Thomas and Niko in the City of Trees

Chapter 5 - Part 2

Other than turning in my essay, there's not much I'm looking forward to in English class the next day. The main problem is that Thomas and I are both in that class. It's kind of the perfect storm, to tell you the truth: The class takes up two hours of the afternoon, there's nothing to do because we're mainly there to turn in our essays, and Thomas and I are each pretending the other person doesn't exist. On Tuesday it was fine because we were allowed to work on our essays either in the classroom or the library, and you better believe I busted my ass to the library the second I saw Thomas setting up camp at his desk.

Today we're both stuck in the classroom, and I don't have much to distract myself besides studying for my Physics final tomorrow. Anyway, I keep myself looking busy doing that for a while. Thomas is just talking and laughing in the back corner with some varsity football guys. They call me over but Thomas doesn't look like he wants me to join, so I tell them I better keep studying. They make fun of me quite a bit for that, and keep sort of antagonizing me while I pretend I'm super focused on my textbook. The whole time, Thomas doesn't say a word.

I go up to Ms. Nolan and ask if I can study in the library. She gives me a smile that says she understands, and I excuse myself.

"Come on Savic," says a guy named Driggs who I normally talk to quite a bit. "We're just having a good time. Join us."

I tell them I really have to study for this test. They let me go without too much trouble. I don't know what the hell is going through Thomas's mind at this moment. I bet it's killing him.

I get to the library and find a quiet corner. I'm sitting there picking at the cover of my textbook, thinking of the boys back in the classroom. I get this strange feeling, because I realize none of them are in my classes tomorrow, which means that was the last time we would all be sitting in a class together. I don't hang out with many of them outside of school, at least not regularly, so who knows which of them I'll ever see again, if any. That moment back there, when they were having their fun at my expense, it all starts to feel so insignificant, like it's already fading behind me. I'll start college up north (or university, as they call it) and every single thing about it will be new. The people, the places—even stuff about me could be new. Maybe the person I want to be up there is a little different than the person I am down here. Honestly, that idea gets me pretty excited.

The last day of school is pretty weird. I take my Physics final and do fine on it. We get out of the last class and people are sort of wandering around like they don't know quite where to go. I wish you could see it—it's the strangest sight. Some people are kind of teary-eyed, saying their goodbyes and whatnot. I'm chatting with a few guys and we're just talking about summer jobs, and college, and how we're going to hang out a ton this summer and all that bullshit.

I pass by Ms. Nolan's class and she's talking to a couple students. She looks past them at me and motions for me to come in. I sit kind of awkwardly by the window with my ass against the heater until the other kids leave. Then I sit down in my usual spot by her desk and we have a nice little moment.

"You're not a student here anymore. In fact, you're an adult," she says. She stresses the first syllable the way some people do. "Just between us, I want to exchange contacts. You okay with that?"

I'm not sure what to say. I just nod a little. She hands me her phone and asks if I'll put in my number. It feels really weird, just sitting there holding Ms. Nolan's phone. I do as she asks, and she looks happy about it.

"You're going to get up there, and everything's going to open up for you. Do you understand what I mean by that?"

I tell her I understand.

"There will be so many new things to do, and try, and be. I don't want you to be scared or hold back. Just do it all." I start to laugh but she says she's serious. "I know you'll make the right decisions, when it matters."

I thank her, for everything. She gets emotional. She tells me not to be a stranger. I tell her I won't. After that, I walk out of the school. I don't see anyone I know on the way out. I'm not looking at any of the faces.

—

I told you before when I realized how little all those guys matter to me. Even if it meant never seeing any of them again for the rest of my life, I'd still want to get out of this place.

But what about the person I would give it all up for? That's right, even now, if going meant never seeing Thomas again, I would stay. In a heartbeat. I would stay forever in this dumb town. I guess that should give you some idea of how much pain I'm in right now. It doesn't help that school's over. And it really doesn't help that I'm still not talking to Lexie.

I never told you why mom stays up so late. One reason is that she has insomnia like you wouldn't believe, and the other is that she likes working the night shift at her job. She works the counter at a convenience store over at Milwaukee and Emerald. It's one of the few in the city that stays open twenty-four hours, but even so, it's usually pretty dead. I think that's what she likes so much about it. Her shift starts at nine. She'll get home around the time the sun's coming up and sleep all day. She's done it on-and-off for years.

She's not home now. I don't know where the hell she is. I've never been able to decide if I'm an introvert or an extrovert, but it's times like these when I'm fairly sure I'm the latter. Even when everything's going fine, I don't usually like to be alone for too long. But everything's not going fine. I start wondering if maybe Thomas and I developed some kind of co-dependency along the way, which I understand to mean that we'll start going crazy—maybe literally crazy—if we don't talk anymore. If it were true, then that would mean he's feeling the same way I am, right? I try to remember what it's called when only one person needs the other, then realize that's just dependency. Damn, I really don't like that word.

Well, if I text him, he's not going to answer, so what the hell are my options? The only real option I can see is to text the person who will answer, even if we haven't been talking for the past five days.

So I type the following into my phone and hit send: "What up?"

Those little blue dots show up right away, but it's a long time before her response comes through.

"Not a lot, Niko. Will you come over?"

Twenty minutes later, I'm at Lexie's place. She shows up at the front door, and I can already tell by the look on her face that she's forgiven me. I'm such a fuck-up sometimes, it's a miracle that she's put up with me for so long.