A hearts call

chapter 30

Time to live.....time to love.....time to forgive.

My flight touched down in the dusk  of night. Cloudless sky, stars streamed across the black sky.  My heart was empty. I left without saying good bye. I had to do this for me.   I could tell I was bringing him down and thats what I didn't wanna do. He was a happy soul.  The over head voice sounded that we had begun to deboard and it was time to go. 

I grabbed my one bad in my hand and caught a cab to where I knew he was.  My sister sent me a email giving me the address. This had to be the hardest thing I'd ever had to do.  I choked back tears and swallowed my hurt. Years and years of pent up rage pain guilt shame and disgust for myself.  Driver " this is your stop miss,  would you like me to wait? ".   He smiled and extended his hand. I trusted him.  Me" if that's not to much to ask thank you I'd appreciate it so much I will tip you more if.......".   Driver " its on the house,  no payment,  don't worry I can tell your stressed. Its on me ".   I could have hugged him I never had anyone be so generous. 

I got out and reached for the flowers and card and the special object.  His place was close by and I could tell someone had been here not to long ago. I could see flowers around him.  I took a deep breath and closed my eyes and took the final steps. 

I bent down and read his name and before I knew it,  tears fell. Pain and the reality of his passing hit me full force.  My body was shaking and I couldn't stand anymore. I dropped to my knees and gripped the flowers placing the bear beside his grave site . His name,  here he was. Right below me in the grounds surrounded by flowers and small lady bugs.  I ran my hand over his grave stone and leaned in and kissed it twice.  Once for forgiveness and once to say I love you I miss you. 

I sat on the grass and placed the flowers on the stone before him. Me" well dad here I am,  I never got to say goodbye or I love you but,  um...... I guess now at least we are here together.  So....... Oh god hold on...... I miss you!  I forgive you..... I forgive you for what you did. I can't hold onto it anymore. I left the man I love behind to say goodbye to you for the last time. I'm not coming back after this....... So I hope you love me too and watch over me...... I...... Forgive you. ".   I wiped away my tears and kissed his grave stone one more time.  Me" I love you ".  I got up and took one last look at him, I could feel a cool breeze across my face and knew it was him.

As I got in the cab,  the driver handed me a rose and said " I think a beautiful heart like you needs this right now,  I'm so sorry about your loss ".   I couldn't help it I cried and smelled the rose and he drove me back to the airport.  Time to get back to my soul mate.