I'm No Cinderella

Chapter 31

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No Going Back

Nothing changed after my ride with Gianluca, save for the addition of a new activity to pass my endless afternoons alone. The only catch– I would have to request for a guard to go so far from the castle proper.

And Matteo was always off on whatever task was keeping Gianluca so busy.

Luca, he had told me I could call him. A nickname that was just for me. The thought alone brought heat racing up my neck.

It was so intimate. Too intimate, considering I still wasn't completely decided on what I would choose when the year ended. Would I leave behind my own family and everything I had ever known and loved to live out the rest of my days tied to a family I had once sworn to hate forever? Or would I give up the mate bond and all of the wonderful things that come with it– the wonderful man who had come with it– to return to my normal life?

When he was with me, the choice felt easy. How could I ever turn away from the way he made me feel, like my entire body had come alive for the first time? He had shown me a kind of unconditional acceptance that I had never known before. We came from different species, different social backgrounds, different economic classes, yet he had always treated me like an equal. Always given me a choice.

Always valued my thoughts.

But when he wasn't with me, when I was wallowing in day after day of endless loneliness, the choice didn't seem so clear-cut. I missed my family so very much. Growing up with four siblings, there was rarely a moment of quiet in our house, and the constant silence of the castle unsettled me. I had taken to playing cards with Eden in my evenings– after promising to not tell a soul about her neglect of her duties in doing so– following my nightly escort from dinner by Luca and depositing at the door to my bedroom with a chaste kiss that always left me wanting more.

Always more.

I could no longer kid myself into thinking that what I was feeling was entirely caused by the mate bond. I enjoyed being around him, and it was more than just that magnetic pull that seemed to never quite disappear from the outskirts of my awareness. All my life, I had been making sacrifices for the people that I love, but for the first time I was the one being taken care of.

And he did make me feel so cared for, even over the countless days where he could allot me only slivers of his time. He was always asking about my day. How I was feeling, if I needed anything.

All I needed was his time. It was the only complaint I had, the only thing that I was missing. The one thing he couldn't give me, and I would be selfish to ask for.

Even so, when February rolled around, and I was beginning to feel that I would lose my mind from it all, I couldn't help but be a little bit selfish.

As we neared the door to my room, I peered up at him shyly, "Can I see you tomorrow night?"

His head tilted to the side, "You see me every night."

I couldn't hold his penetrating stare as my face flushed, "Well, yes. But for more than just dinner?"

He sighed, raising the arm that was not in my grip to rub the back of his neck, "I can't tomorrow, Rose, I'm sorry. I don't expect the council will have come to a decision any time soon, and until they do, my time is not my own."

"A decision on what?" I couldn't help but ask, though I knew the information would change nothing.

He hesitated so long that I looked back up at him, only to find his eyes pressed firmly shut. "I shouldn't say. But, it's very important, Rosa, I promise. If it wasn't, then you wouldn't be able to tear me from your side."