Ice Cold

08

Wren Ridley

There was a reason why I never let myself feel guilty or shameful. I hated being wrong, loathed it, so much that I forced myself to stand by my actions and words, to reject guilt and embrace the way I was. Being around Landon only made me realize this more.

Perhaps I hated him irrationally, or only because Fox did. Because although I'd never admitted to the guilt I felt over the way I had treated Fox throughout our lives, I felt the need to somehow avenge Fox for how Landon had treated him, to protect him.

But then Landon had to go and show that he was actually human who felt remorse and ruined everything, ruined any justifications I had conjured up in my mind for constantly antagonizing him.

I had always felt that people were too easy to read. Most of them wore their emotions plainly through their facial expressions and body language. That made me focus on hiding my own, making sure nobody knew anything about me that I didn't allow them to. But I was beginning to feel like I actually didn't know anything about Landon at all, despite the ways his emotions were easily detectable and he was easily agitated.

"You don't have class today?" Anthony, one of the workers at the coffeeshop and fellow Brown University student, asked as he wiped down the table next to mine.

I looked at the time to see that it was just after the start time of my first class. I had been sitting here and writing all morning without even feeling the passage of time.

"Canceled," I lied, making sure to save my work before shutting my laptop.

Anthony nodded, moving onto another table to clean. The coffeeshop had quieted down some. The early morning rushes were always the busiest times. That was why I had to get here early to secure a spot to sit and write. It was hard for me to write at night with James in the room. He snored like a chainsaw and if for some reason he woke up in the middle of the night, he wouldn't leave me alone if he saw me awake. It was just as loud in here in the mornings, but the sounds were not nearly as irritating as James's snoring.

"Who was that guy with you earlier?" Anthony asked. "He asked for your coffee order."

"Just someone who owed me a favor," I replied, sliding my laptop into my bag and standing from the table. "His name's Lance, just so you know for when he comes in."

"He's cute," Anthony said with a grin.

"He wouldn't go for you, I'm afraid," I said, though I had no idea who Landon would actually go for. To me, he seemed hell bent on staying away from everybody all the time.

"But he would go for you?" Anthony laughed. His laugh was high pitched, which James found endearing and infectious. He and Anthony had dated briefly in the past, but for some reason had stopped seeing each other. That was all James had told me about the ordeal.

"I never said that," I replied.

"He looked all nervous to go talk to you," he told me.

"Interesting," I replied, pulling my bag over my shoulder and picking up my coffee cups. "Anyway, I have to go make sure James got out of bed this morning."

I grinned when Anthony grimaced at the sound of James's name leaving my mouth. Whatever had happened between them was bad enough that even hearing his name made Anthony uncomfortable, which was exactly what I needed to make my exit without any more conversation.

When I got back to the dorm room, James was out of bed, but clearly not in class as he paced around our room with a book in hand, scouring the pages.

"What are you doing?" I asked, shutting the door behind me.