Torn

Chapter 5✓

Carter 

While the air is unseasonably warm for June in Spiritwood, it feels dry compared to the humidity that I've gotten used to while I was in the Dominican. I have no idea what I'm going to do about my traveling plans. Should I leave as I had planned to, or do I stay in Spiritwood after I spread grandpa's ashes at the cabin?

Now that I think about it, Grandpa probably couldn't get many updates done to the cabin. When we left, it was starting to get a little run down and I can't imagine what it looks like now. I can get it fixed up and looking decent in no time.

Was it safe for me to stay? With my dad never fully disclosing the problem about the lab or what he had found, I feel like I'm not really able to make an informed decision. It's been almost a decade, so maybe whatever threat that my dad had faced has blown over by now.

I mean the information literally died with him. I've also learned from my meeting with Mr. Smith that the science lab that my dad used to work in is shut down now and has been for quite a few years. Maybe it's time to stop running and come home.

Home.

Xander clears his throat beside me as we walk, drawing me from my thoughts. He was kind enough to offer to drag my bag behind us as we walked. I try to focus on the sound of the wheels rolling over the cement sidewalk, over the pounding of my anxious heart.

"Carter, I need to ask you about that day." He looks away from me, towards the little pond in the middle of the park and stops walking.

He puts my bag down and shoves his hands into his pockets, though it doesn't stop me from catching the slight shake in them. My palms grow sweaty, so I try to casually wipe them on my jeans without him noticing. I don't want to see the pain in his eyes, so I look away from him and wrap my arms around myself.

"I kind of figured this would come up," I say quietly.

"Was it my fault you left? Was it ours? Mine and Quinn's, I mean." He whispers softly.

I choke. I look up at him, brows furrowed with confusion. "What? Why would it have been your fault? What are you talking about?" That's not the direction that I thought this conversation was going to go.

He looks down at me, pain and reservation clear on his face. "Carter you were my best friend. We did everything together. You, me, and Quinn. But at some point, in our lives, being your friend just wasn't enough for me anymore." He bites his lip and closes his eyes.

It's cute, watching Xander try to express how he felt about me. I can't help but wonder if he knew how I had felt about him as well? The thought comes to a screeching halt as I'm sure he doesn't want to know that I had feelings for Quinn as well.

He shakes his head, and a small smile touches his lips. "I don't know when I realized it, or subconsciously I always knew. I remember fighting for your attention doing anything I could to make you laugh. I know that I used to make a damn fool of myself just to make sure you looked at me more than you looked at Quinn." He chuckles. "The rivalry between us..." he whistles, "that was something I never saw coming. I never thought anything could come between me and Q."

I laugh and tuck my hair behind my ear. Looking up at him, I realize he was staring down at me. His eyes are darker than normal, and it looks like there are specks of silver sparkling throughout.

I tilt my head and look deeper into his eyes. That's weird, his eyes are such a vibrant blue, but right now they almost look like the night sky.

"Xander, your eyes-"

Xander turns away from me quickly and clears his throat. "Then there was that stupid fight we had that day. Do you remember it? Of course, you do. You'd have to. Quinn told you to pick one of us. To pick between us." He laughs bitterly, his voice cold.