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It is exactly three in the morning when I hear Sarang crying. Groaning, I turn around in my bed and I notice how tired I'm when I get out of the bed with all my might. Besides, I could hardly sleep today because Sarang was waking up every minute. So it's not surprising that my eyelids felt heavy and it is difficult for me to open them.
Making my way to her room, I wonder why she sleeps so restless today. It's always a struggle to understand your baby when it's not old enough to speak, but a mother also understood her child that way without saying anything. And I felt deep down that something was wrong with her.
With quick steps, I turn on the night light, which hangs directly on the wall near her bed. And my heart dropped, as I see my baby clearly now.
Her doe eyes open wide, tears filling up her eyes as her bottom lip quivered. And when she sees me, she breaks into a loud cry, which makes her even paler face red. She rolls her trembling body towards me and stretches her arms in my direction, wants me to pick her up.
A aching sensation spreads in my heart when I see her like that. And in a hurry I take her crying form in my arms. Rocking her slightly, I try to calm her down but notice how her little body starts to tremble more. When I lightly touch her forehead with my lips I feel how warm she is. She has a high fever and despite the fact that I keep rocking her, she doesn't stop crying.
Seeing her aching face, I feel my body grow weak. I try to keep calm but feel the tears form in my eyes the longer I hear her crying. And I would do anything to make her pain less immediately.
I give her pacifier, that I found in her bed and she calms down but is still sobbing. And the only thing I want right know is that Jungkook is next to me.
It has always been the case that he is the one of us who kept a cool head. I know that just his presence would be enough for me and I just want to call him so badly right now, just to hear his voice, just so he can tell me everything will be fine.
After the last call with Jungkook, I didn't answer his calls for the next few days and when I did I kept them short. I know it was wrong, but I couldn't give in. The last few months I have been feeling so many things at once that I can hardly cope with my own feelings. Ever since I found out I was going to die, I tried to be strong as I possible could be, I tried to hold back and think positively even when I felt like I was being torn apart. And I hated feeling like this, like I had no control over my own emotions.
