Irreplaceable [h.s]

Chapter 3

Leah POV

I begin to wake up due to the early morning sun shining through the window, a long groan passing by my lips as I roll onto my side, my back facing the window. I take a few minutes, realizing that I'm probably not going to go back to sleep now that I've woken up. I then let out a loud sigh before I slightly open my eyes and grab my phone off of the bed side table. I then turn on my phone, seeing it is now six in the morning. I thought I would of woken up to my alarm but I guess not. I guess my body wanted to wake up before it.

Since I do have to go to work today, I set my alarm quite early so I was able to take as much time I needed to get ready. I then go into my alarms, turning off the one that was about to go off in thirty minutes. I then lay on my back for a moment, staring up at the ceiling, trying to decide if I want to take a shower before I go to work or not. Since I did end up staying the night at Sage's last night, the guest bedroom does have a bathroom attached to it so it wouldn't be that much trouble.

I truthfully wasn't going to stay over at Sage's last night but she begged me so I had to. Plus, I knew how much it would kill me to just continue being in that apartment without Harry. I just didn't want to bother Sage and bring her into it, even though I know Sage would never have a problem with me staying over or letting me talk to her about everything going on. If anything, that's what she wants. I knew she wasn't going to stop bugging me until I came over and she was able to make sure I'm okay so I just decided coming and spending one night would be best.

Also, I missed her. A lot.

I hung out with her a lot when Harry was here but I feel like we didn't hang out as much as we should of or as much as we used to. Now that he isn't here anymore, I can spend more time with her outside of work. That's one good thing I suppose. Sage last night kept yelling at me to try thinking over the positives instead of the negatives but how do I do that when the person who kept me sane and happy decided to leave without telling me goodbye? How do I do it? I truly have no idea.

I don't think the sharp pain in my chest that I feel when I hear his name will ever go away.

God how I wish it would though.

The sad thing is, it's not even just his name. It's absolutely everything. I can't go anywhere without there being a memory attached of us. And if somehow there isn't, all I think about is how I wish I could of gone there with him. It's hell. I feel like I'm getting more angry as time goes on though. Last night when I hung out with Sage and Zoe, we drank some as we always used to do, and I thought I would get sad and cry all night but that's not what happened.

I got emotional for about ten minutes and shed a few tears but then the more shots I took and the more I thought, I became angry. I was infuriated. I basically yelled out all of the things I wish I could say to him to Sage and Zoe as they sat there with their eyes wide. Sage knows what that means though. She know that means I'm now I'm my second stage of grief and processing my pain. That means I'm one step closer to the scariest stage of mine. The stage of mine that I really don't want to hit and neither does Sage.

Numbness. Complete and utter numbness.

Once I fall into that last and final stage, it's basically game over. You would think the angry stage is when people don't like me, but you're wrong. It's when I'm numb. I become cold to absolutely everyone as I sink myself further and further into the pain I'm feeling. I drown myself in it. It starts off feeling overwhelming, but then I slowly start to feel nothing.