FEELINGS | Dream & Georgenotfound

Lonley

Three months have passed since he last saw him. The air became cooler, the trees slightly changed into warmer, orangey colors with the changing seasons. It was mid-September, everything went back to normal; just how things were, well, except their relationship.

Their relationship continued as a platonic one, but his feelings were still there. They were stronger than ever, never leaving his mind. He spent a couple of nights crying; wishing he was besides him. Sometimes he found it ridiculous how he spent so much time crying over a boy, it was like being a middle-schooler all over again. But there was nothing he could do, it was up to George to see that he loved him, he's tried everything, hoping he could see. But the risk was greater than the benefit; a sick feeling held him back from confessing his love.

There were two possible outcomes:

He confesses his love to George, and they end up together forever.

Or,

He confesses his love to George, gets rejected and forever ruins their relationship.

The first option seems like a fantasy, an impossible fairytale; the one he always dreamed of. The second option seemed too realistic, the most likely outcome of the two, the most painful one. Clay imagined the infinite amount of possible scenarios and outcomes of their future, and every time he did; it always came out they same way.

Together forever.

Clay looked down at his ring. It glistened in the sunlight. The image of George's teary face was heart wrenching, always stabbing at his heart.

What was he thinking?

Why was he so emotional?

Does ... he have feelings for me?

No, there's no way.

Clay stared at the ceiling. His apartment only grew more cold, missing it's final piece to the puzzle. The feeling of loneliness became too familiar after each passing day.

He let out a sigh. Their uploading schedule returned back to normal, releasing a video every week or so. His voice was so charismatic, so bright. George never failed to make him laugh. He couldn't help but notice that George had two different persona's; two versions of himself. He was used to George appearing so happy and excited, their calls never signaled any reason to be worried about anything.

But something was wrong, seriously wrong.

Those nightmares, what are they about?

What's bothering him so much?

It wasn't his place to ask or know. Or is it? They've been best friends for so many years; wouldn't George be comfortable enough to tell him? To take that next step to become even closer than before? Clay turned to his side, laying on his bed.

Both of their channels have been growing steadily, and more attention has been shining on George; he couldn't help but feel more happy for him. He wondered how he was taking everything in. Although, some distance has been pushing them apart, well of course physically, but connectively. George took too long to respond, longer than Clay felt comfortable with. He didn't want to become a bug, a pest of some kind. Asking didn't help, it achieved nothing, George always hit him with the "I'm okay, There's nothing to worry about, Sorry I was sleeping."

All he wants to do it fix him, love him, hold him tight, be his world. But something was in the way, and Clay was deemed to get through it, even if it would hurt.

He remembers when they first met, exchanging their skype usernames on that old, outdated Minecraft server chat. Because of George, he experienced so much happiness and joy, but it isn't the same anymore, everything feels different. Sometimes he wished he could go back in time, when they were children and nothing else in the world mattered, just playing Minecraft.