ephemeral // matty healy

fall off the earth

As Blair walked through the third floor, she noticed the heating system had turned off. She plodded up to the door with gritted teeth and debated on turning back. She could just run back to her desk. Or back home. Or just to the edge of the Earth.

She turned the handle only to see her favourite person sitting with his feet on the table. Blair faked a smile when she sat across from him, who pulled out a small notebook from his jacket pocket.

"How are you this morning?" he asked.

"Good," she said, avoiding eye contact while she set up her laptop. "How are you?"

"I'm doing splendidly." He was somehow smugger than Ronan. He tapped the blue notebook with idle fingers. "I've got an idea.

"I figured as such," Blair was doing her best to keep composure. "Let's begin. What do you have?"

Matty flipped through the pages, showing off little pencil drawings and sentence fragments. It was all so disjointed. Some drawings were too angular, some had pasted bits from magazines and others had bits that didn't fit together properly.

"This is what I want," he said proudly. Blair kept looking at his work, glancing up at Matty's face sometimes to make sure he wasn't joking. "What do you think?"

"It's... something, that's for sure." She inspected the pages further. "Would you mind if I take a photo of these pages?"

"Go ahead," he sat back in his chair and interlaced his fingers behind his head. Got to cradle that gigantic head of his, Blair thought.

"So it looks like, in this video, you want to 'log off' your phone, enter into a separate world where memes roam free like wild animals?" Matty nodded at every word she said. She sort of laughed and asked, "Would you like to throw in some folklore as well?"

"Yeah, actually, I sort of like that idea." Matty pursed his lips out in some serious thought. "We could add in that story about the guy that fell in love with himself. What's his name? Oh drat..."

"Narcissus," Blair said plainly, now closing his book and sliding it back to Matty's end of the table. He placed his hand on top of hers, just for a moment, but Blair quickly pulled her hand away before looking into his eyes.

"Yeah, that's him!" He smiled like a kid during Christmas. "You're good."

"Thank you," Blair closed her laptop and gave him a curt smile. "If that's all, I better be off."

"It's actually not all," Matty said, with a serious brood in his voice. Blair couldn't help but feel her shoulders tense when he asked to her stay with him for a moment. "Sorry, to keep you, but I'd like to apologize for calling the other night."

She was already eyeing the door on the other side of the room. "Don't worry about it, no problem." She pressed her lips together for a brief second.

"Are you sure?" Matty's eyebrows knitted into a curious expression. "I don't think it was very professional and I promise I will not bother you outside of working hours."

"Yes, okay, thank you, Matty." Her words became more choppy and all Blair wanted to do was sprint down the stairs and out into the street, going as far as her legs would take her.

"I'm being serious," he pressed on, not really listening to Blair's response. "It was a total dick move. Next time you see my number after 5 pm, you should decline the call."

"Yes, but I didn't know it was you, now did I?" Blair laughed a bit. Matty's head jolted to meet her eyes in surprise, then he quickly recovered his cool demeanour. 

"Oh, you deleted my number?"

"Yes." Blair's lips screwed to the side when she spoke about something she didn't want to talk about. "I was angry when we last talked before New York."

"I see," Matty stood up from the table, placing both hands on the varnished top for a second. He awkwardly drummed against it before taking a step toward the door. Blair felt a flutter in her chest and called to him.

"Wait, Matty," she hated herself for listening to Ronan, but he was right that she needed to come clean. "Can I be honest with you for a moment?" She stepped toward Matty with purpose, now fully submerged in this decision without a single hope of coming up for air.

"Yes?" He sighed, now turning away from the door and toward his old friend.

"I was, like, really angry when you dropped me off at the airport," she gulped. "And I guess I just want to know why you waited an hour before my flight to tell me it seemed like too dangerous of a trip. I was so excited to go and live my dream, so hearing that you weren't... well, it hurt my feelings."

"Hurt your feelings?" he questioned. Blair was starting to shrink into her clothes as Matty struggled to keep a controlled voice. "You know what my feelings? The fact that you just left. I really missed having a friend around. And I told myself that we would still be able to talk while you were at school, but you, just fucking cut ties."

"If you thought New York wasn't a good idea then why didn't you tell me when I first brought it up?" Blair was matching his voice now, building in intensity which was most likely shaking the door to the boardroom.

"Because I didn't want you to go, obviously!" Matty's eyes shot around the room nervously. "I wanted you to stay here with me!"

"You knew that it was my dream school!" Her hand balled into tight fists as their breath became short and scorching. The air between them grew hot, as they both stood a mere metre away from each other. "Why couldn't you just be happy for me?"

"Because I love you!"

Matty gasped like he didn't realize what he had let pass through his lips. Blair just stayed frozen, unsure if her ears betrayed her. He took a swift step closer to her, desperate to hold her hand.

"I've, um, I've really got to go." Blair quickly picked up her computer and used it as a wedge to create distance between the two of them again. "Thanks for the photos. I'll, er, walk you down to the door."

Matty was already walking toward the door again. He didn't look back, but over his shoulder, he said "I know the way" before silently slipping out of the meeting room.