Soulmates, sunflowers, hot air balloons, ballet, wildfire and music.
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EXCERPT:
"Why do you always call me sunflower?" She looks as though she's desperate for the answer, staring into my soul with so much sincerity in her words.
I smile to mysel...
I cannot believe this has hit 1k reads already, like what? That makes me wanna cry with happiness, thank you!
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Blank.
That's my mind right now. Blank.
White noise. Empty. Bare. Deserted. Abandoned. Desolate.
Any and every word you can think of describes my mind right now.
I'm just at a loss of words.
I have no inspiration.
No muse.
No anything.
Which is very unlike me.
None of this is making any sense, because I usually find creativity and originality in simply the world around me.
And on the rare occasion that I do find myself struggling, I just watch the stars. They always seem to have a fix to my problems, like they hold the answers to be me unspoken words.
But not tonight.
Instead here I lay, watching the small shiny dots in the sky, a notepad in my hand with a few meaningless words scribbled down and a pen in between my teeth.
I close my eyes and just take a deep breath. The cold night air fills my lungs focusing myself away from my worries and instead onto the crisp oxygen that allows me to not feel suffocated, even only for a moment.
I love my job, I love my life, I love my fans. But I hate the pressure, I hate the constant watch over my every move, I hate the constant criticism and hate.
Sometimes it can become so overwhelming I lose track of why I'm doing this. I forget I do it because I love it, and not just because it's something everyone else seems to love.
"Come on Harry. Just write something." I whisper to myself in hopes of some sort of revelation.
But still nothing.
I've done shy of a hundred solo shows, travelled the world, met new people and experienced new things. I had an adventure to say the least.
Yet for some unknown reason, I am more unmotivated now than ever.
And although this tour has gone brilliantly, and this album went far better than I could've ever expected. I'm afraid the next won't go the same.
What if it really was beginners luck?
What if my fans don't like me without the boys?
What if they forget about me?
I shake my head, I know I need to pull myself out of this rabbit-hole, before I become too lost in my own thoughts. It's a bad habit of mine I seem to have.
Getting lost in my dark thoughts. I know I shouldn't because I really do have everything I could have ever dreamed of. It just feels like something more is meant to be.
