✔️ You're not him | K.TH

Nothing but a Tragedy

⚠️Note⚠️: There is going to be subtle hints about suicide and self-harm.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Nothing but a Tragedy

KIM TAEHYUNG

Let me be honest, waiting in a white hallway that smelled like disinfectant was the last thing I wanted to do. But I was here for Jisoo, being the good 'boyfriend' I am.

But seriously, that wasn't the reason I was here. I wanted to be here just to prevent myself from having any regrets.

I couldn't be there for her, so the least I could do is be there for Jisoo...

Except Jungkook, no one else was aware about my visits that had become quite frequent due to the chemotherapy Jisoo was receiving.

It was already the seventh session of therapy, and I was beginning to notice changes in Jisoo face. Her skin was no longer that radiant glow and her cheeks were hollowed rather than its usual plumpness. Her black hair that once looked lustrous was nothing but weak and brittle.

I stood up from my seat when the door opened.

Jisoo walked out, taking slow steps with a weak smile on her face, "Hey-"

I caught her in time when she stumbled, and supported her up by her shoulders, "You okay?"

"Yeah, sorry, my legs feel weak." Jisoo smiled and pulled away.

I didn't know what therapy did to a person, but looking at Jisoo I realised how detrimental it could be. I wasn't a psychiatrist and I never had interest in knowing much about human emotions but I did notice a plummet in Jisoo's mental health. She just looked... physically, mentally and emotionally drained ever since the sessions had started and I didn't know how I could help. Every time I asked if she needed her, she'd push me away.

"How much longer would you have to go for therapy?" I asked as I walked by her side.

"A month." She quietly answered. Her voice was nothing more than a whisper.

Soon after, we got home. After dropping Jisoo home, I had to immediately get ready to visit the agency building.

This had become a new routine for me ever since the therapy sessions begun. We would go in early in the morning when there are hardly any patients, get done with the chemo, and rush back home for me to zoom out to the agency.

Even though Jisoo wasn't happy with what I was doing, a part of me didn't like the idea of sending her alone to the hospital. I could've sent Jungkook... but I had a strange urge to be the one by her side.

I had no idea why I had been feeling this way. Maybe, since we had been together under the same roof for about two months now, I might've started feeling attached to her.

I don't know...

"Taehyung-ah! You're finally here!" Mr Bang walked towards me and caught me by the shoulder, "I have something to discuss with you."

"What is it?"

"Let's talk in my office."

CHOI JISOO

Being all by myself in such a big house was beginning to feel... lonely.

I couldn't even go out if I wanted to because one - I'd get mobbed and two - it was no longer possible for me to walk 10 minutes without feeling nauseous or weak in the knees.

Being in bed was all I could do, occasionally getting up to make myself something to eat - which I'd later throw up.

I was homesick.

I missed my family and the very few friends I had. I missed Hobi. If I were back in my world, he'd probably cheer me up till my cheeks hurt.

I wonder if they know that I'm gone... they must be so scared and worried.

Just the thought brought tears to my eyes. Was living on like this really worth it?

Again, I have no one to live for, I have no purpose... what's the point in going through all this if it's not going to mean anything later on?

If only I had the courage to tell Tae about the cancer...

I am nothing but a burden to everyone here. I don't even have enough money to pay for my own medications. How long will Taehyung be able to help me? What will happen after the four months?

What am I doing with my life?

Being alone wasn't safe anymore. I was a danger to myself. Dark thoughts clouded my mind as pain and hopelessness washed over me.

Would everything go back to normal... if I ended this life?

Will I finally be home?

But what about Taehyung?

He hates you. Kim Taehyung hates you. He'll be so happy to not carry a burden like you. Nobody in this world cares about you, Jisoo. You're nothing but a weight for others to carry around.

Stop! Stop-

You're worthless.

I felt something break inside me. A tear streamed down my face as I stared at the dying sun, red hues painting the sky.

I am worthless...

Brushing away the blanket off my body, I dragged my legs to my bathroom. I glared at my reflection, pale skin, drowsy eyes with dark bags hanging beneath them.

My eyes fell upon a razor blade, sitting on the edge of the countertop.

I sadly smiled to myself as tears rushed out.

I guess this is how it's all going to end.

My life was nothing but a tragedy...

👀👀👀

Well, shit!