Midnight Falls

Chapter Sixty

Chapter Sixty

Fears and Memories.

Anna

Saturday, 14th of May, 6:00 AM

Fear is a feeling that shouldn't exist. I just wanna have a small talk with God about that feeling, like why that out of all feelings? It's a suckish feeling. It simply shouldn't exist.

I'm supposed to be at the airport with him, saying goodbye, but I don't want to. Instead I'm up at six in the morning, an hour before Luke leaves, hyperventilating about the fact that he'll be eleven hours and eleven minutes away from me and soon eighteen hours away, so I'm currently writing in this to get my mind off the whole thing.

I think this is going to be the last time for me writing in this.

And no, I'm not gonna achieve my dreams of being a worldwide singer and later on becoming a drug addict and going LIVE in rehab for my amazing fans.

I have come to the realization that I'm holding too tight on Anastasia's stuff, more than on to our memories together. I have always thought that her stuff is what makes me close to her, but the memories that I have with her is truly what makes me closer to her. Just like my memories with dad.

I feel like this is a good start for me to start a completely new chapter. I'm leaving for college in a month or so. It would be nice to start fresh from here, then build up on that start in Australia. California is my home and everything, but I need a huge break from it.

I'm hoping that in Australia there will be a huge difference and who knows how my life will go there. Maybe I'll gain the confidence that I once had and go back to thinking that I'm enough. Maybe I'll make a new friend.

Maybe I'll have another chance to make everything return to the way it was again. But not here. Not in this city.

So I'm going to let go of all of this. Not the memories, but the idea of Ana being alive by keeping her stuff. Her memories is what make her alive, not her things. It doesn't matter if I still own a thing of hers or not, I will always love her and I know for a fact that her and dad know that I will always love them.

"Honey?" Mum's voice comes from behind me and I turn my head to see her standing by the stairs.

"Morning, Mum," I smile at her.

"I thought you're supposed to be at the airport with Luke," she walks over to me and takes a seat beside me on the couch.

"Um...I don't wanna go," I reply, closing the notebook and putting it in the carboard box that I put beside me.

"Why?" She furrows her eyebrows.

"I'm scared," I practically mumble out. "I'm scared of the fact that I'll have to watch him leave and I can't do anything about it. I don't want him to leave. I trust him with my whole heart and I thought that the problem was because he was going back to his home country, but it turns out I'm just scared of another person leaving. I don't want him to leave, Mum."

Mum just stares at me silently and I continue on. "I thought it was fear of losing him to another person, but I'm just scared of him leaving for good. I can't let him leave. Ana left. Fiona left. Riley left. Dad left. I don't want Luke to leave too."