Sasquatch to the Moon

35: I'm Glad You Were My First, Håkon. Anyone Would Be.

HELEN STOJANOVIČ

So, you know, I'm going to be attending a wedding in the future. Not every day your all bubbly takes-nothing-seriously gay son ends up laying in your lap crying his eyes out over his crush not having experienced love before.

It's adorable in a way that makes me feel very old. Now I just wish he'd suck it up and tell Håkon. I absolutely adore Håkon. He's big, friendly, and wouldn't hurt a fly. Yes, he's got attachment issues and childhood trauma, but he's sweet.

"Now, honey, suck it up and please tell him you want to date him." I tell him in Czech. His Czech skills are getting a little rusty from spending all his time around native english speakers (and a native swede) so he's developing a Canadian Czech accent.

"Mm, fine." He mumbles. "Can you make me some tea?"

I narrow my eyes at him. "Are you pouting so I make you cinnamon tea?"

He nods. I won't ever tell him this, not after what his father did to him, but he's a spitting image of the man I married 26 years ago. I just hope Roman is nothing like his father as well. I wanted to take him with us so badly, but I didn't have to worry about custody cases with Miloš, I did with his brother.

"Fine, I'll make you tea."

HÅKON

I stare at the door for about five minutes straight after he leaves. Everything about that was weird. I mentioned dating and it's like his brain shut off and then he was gone.

But he brought up a good point, I've been meaning to contact Svea for weeks and I guess that was the shove I needed, because before I know what I'm doing, I've sent a text.

HÅKON: hey, is this still Svea's number? It's Rexy, text back if you get a chance.

Awkward, at best.

The longer I stare at the text the more of a wreck it becomes. What are the chances she'll remember me by my high school nickname over my regular name? Probably none, right?

Wrong. My phone goes off within ten minutes.

SVEA: Rexy? It's been years! How are you? What's up?

HÅKON: uh, pretty alright, is it okay if I give you a call?

SVEA: you're freakin' me out a little, but yeah, of course

She's the one that calls me and it takes me a second to register spoken Swedish.

"Rexy! What's up? Why did you want to call me?"

I press my hands into my face, this was a mistake. "I, alright, uh, it's weird and, ah, god, this is awkward."

"I know you've never been good at speaking your mind, but spit it out, I'm not going to be mad."

I let out a very nervous laugh. She might be and that's the problem. "Listen, I just," oh lord. "I wanted to apologize for being shitty to you in high school, I know it's been literally ten years but it's been weighing on me forever, even when we were actually dating. I, ah, just, I just needed my parents to back off me and dating someone seemed like a good solution but it was really selfish of me-"

She stops my ramble. "Where are you going with this?"

"I'm gay." I blurt, then slap my hand over my mouth. I just said that.

"Ohhhhh," she says, then laughs. "Oh, Håkon, I, oh, oh my gosh that makes sense."

"Sorry." I mumble. "I acted like I was tired whenever you wanted to do something like that with me."