Ep 43. Lost and Received.

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🎶. Chandaniya (I don't know why I used this song when it's a lullaby but while writing the chapter, I just felt like a mother who was describing the pain of her child and I couldn't help it.)

| A U T H O R |

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| A U T H O R |

For the last three years, crying was foreign to him.

He had forgotten, how it feels when tears run down your face. The slow trickle, the dampness, the tremble of the chin, the wobble of lips, he didn't remember any of it, until now.

It scared him.

The rawness of his emotions, the scars that cut open once again today, the pain that engulfed his heart like a hurricane, and the way it made him feel so helpless and bare. He took a shaky breath, clenching his jaw as his lips quivered. It was overwhelming, the burst of millions of emotions that poured on him like rain hollering down on the surface of Earth. His once barren heart was suddenly drenched and he had no idea how to cope up with this new feeling.

This pain, this sadness, the lingering memories in the back of his mind, he had no idea how to handle the burden of all coming down on him at once.

His entire body shook, the walls protecting him collapsed and he was left exposed. He couldn't look at the two beautiful souls in front of him. Guilt had embraced him entirely. Here they were trying to give him a part of their world and he was drowned in his own sorrow. This selfishness, how is it so natural to him?

But he couldn't hold it in. The pain came roaring from the abyss of his heart, whirling around him wildly and trapping him in its confines. He couldn't hide the grief, it wanted to burst through his body. It wanted to be heard through his sobs and touched through his tears.

Soon enough pearl-like drops began to trickle down his eyes and he clamped a shaky hand on his mouth, muffling the sound of his cries. He closed his eyes, letting the tears drench him completely. All the pain came rushing out, breaking free as the ice around his heart finally shattered, it escaped his body as he cried hard.

"Mu-Mumma?" He heard a scared voice and although he wanted to stop and say everything was fine and that he was just happy, he knew he couldn't. He couldn't lie. He just couldn't lie anymore. He was not okay. He wants to cry and sob and scream.

"He needs to be alone now." He heard Jahanvi say and the moment they left and the door was closed, he fell on his knees, his shoulders began to shake wildly and he covered his face, sobbing like a child in the cradle of his palms.

This feeling, the grief that embraced him was so painful yet the tears that heaved out of his body felt so beautiful. It was a feeling he didn't want to live again yet live to it's fullest now. For this moment, it made him weak, and if Jahanvi's words were true, he was on his way to be strong.

So he cried.

He cried, halted for a lapse, and then fell back in the outstretched arms of his pain, mourning over the death of his loved ones. He cried for the people he lost, he cried for the memories they left in their cease, he cried on the death of his friendship, his love, and the child that he lost before he even had the chance to know about it. 

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