Your Fine

Candy

{ A shorter chapter <3} 

I push through the last few hours, being absolutely exhausted by the end. I try my best to hide my lonely during lunch. I sat at a table with a few people I call my friends, but I'm pretty sure only one of them actually know my name. But it doesn't really matter. It doesn't bother me. I only sit with them every other day, and have for almost a year now. I know all of their names. But why bother at least learning mine. It doesn't matter. I don't matter. 

I don't know why I let it bother me. I know who matters. It just kind of stings sometimes. 

Liam pops up behind me while I'm getting my bag from my locker. 

"Hey!" He says in a blissful tone. 

I wave at him without looking, being preoccupied with my backpack.

"Ready to get our parts?" He practically leaps into the air.

I pause. I had completely forgotten that they were being posted so soon! I can't really tell if I'm excited, or just swallowed rattlesnakes.

"Oh, my- I totally forgot holy shit!" 

"Yes! Now c'mon let's go! I can't wait any longer!" He grabs hold of my arm and pulls me towards the auditorium. Just outside, there is a bulletin board. A single piece of paper is pinned directly on the center of it, which was not there when I had gone to class earlier. There is a small crowd of kids surrounding it.

I push through the group enough to be able to make out what the casting sheet says. I'm standing straight, and my shoulders are very tense. My eyes scan the sheet for the name Nurse Ratched. I praying that my name is printed to the right of it. I find it, three spaces down from the first name. I slowly look right. Ava Hayd. 

My heart sinks. My shoulders fall, and I slump over in defeat. My stomach feels empty and my mind goes completely blank. Damn. Guess I didn't get it. I disappointedly browse the rest of the sheet for my name. I spot it at the far bottom, next to the character Candy Starr. Huh. Aight cool. 

I slump away from the casting sheet crowd, and sit on a bench outside the fine arts wing. Liam comes fast around the corner and speeds towards me. He slams into the bench at full speed and looks at me with a twinkle in his eye. 

"I got McMurphy!" He joyously sings. 

"Oh wow. Really? That's Awesome!"

"Yes! Who'd you get? Ratched?"

I sigh "Ah. No. I got this character called Candy, I think."

His eyes go wide, and he looks at me. His cheeks turn bright red and he holds back an awkward smile as he looks down.

"R-really?" He musters.

I'm confused. Why is this such a big deal.

"Yes?"

"Wow, haha. Thats great! Shes a- a cool character. uh uhm." He runs his fingers through his curly brown hair.

"Mhm.... Okayyyy well let's get outta here." I jump off the bench, grab my bag, and start walking away.

I turn back. He is still sitting there, but now staring at a random page of the script. "You coming?"

his head pops up. "Oh! Yea!" He rushes towards me and bumps my arm with his. I don't have to look at him to know he is smiling at me. A smile that shines brighter than all the stars in the sky. He has a beautiful smile. His teeth are pearly white and straight, his freckles scrunch together and his dimples show. God he's honestly so adorable. 

We're in the middle of the road, nearing Amanda's house, when it hits me. An aching mental pain. I go weak. All I want right now is to crawl into bed and hide under the covers in darkness and sleep. The mess-ups of today push through the flood gates in my brain and drown any sane thoughts. I don't want to go anymore. I don't want to talk to people. I doubt they even want me here. And god my stomach is huge. I look like I'm pregnant with ten babies. Its fucking disgusting.  Ugh. I want to go home. But I can't. I made plans with these two. I can't just bail again. Suck it up.

Liam looks over at me. I guess he can see the discomfort on my face, since his went from a smile, to concern. He looks down, and grabs my hand. He starts swinging it back and forth, looking forward as if nothing was happening. Its weird. Holding his hand makes me feel better. Not cured, but I do feel less terrible than before. I feel myself smile. I should try and make the best of this. I get to hang out with my two best friends. Just us, and whatever the night has in store.