Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Eliza: My Infrequent and Oddish Love

Title: My Infrequent and Oddish Love

Author: Maniac_Psyche_

Reviewer: eliza-lou

Firstly, thanks for letting me read your book! It's always a vulnerable thing - letting others read and critique the ideas and characters that mean a lot to us - so thanks for putting your work out there. With that, let's get started!

Title/Cover/Summary: 2.5/5

Title:

The title is definitely unique. I have mixed feelings about using the word "infrequent" - to me it doesn't feel like it fits as a descriptor of love? I'm not sure. "Oddish" is a cute quip on the word "odd" so I like that one, but the title sort of doesn't make sense to me? This might just be me! But maybe shortening it or picking a different word than infrequent would clarify the type of love you're trying to portray. Also, no need for the quotations around the title! :)

Cover:

I like the image of your cover. With that, I think it's a little busy. You have the title, your name, but also a long quote that is difficult to read. I'd encourage you to simplify! Wattpad is a form of social media, so the more appealing the image, the more likely to draw a reader in! :) A good way to judge is if you can read the title and your author name from the small thumbnail of your cover! Make sure the font is legible and stands out from the image.

Summary:

I think the summary could use a lot of clarification. For me, it feelsbusy. There was a lot of information packed into it, with some author's notesalso mixed in. For example, in the end of the summary you revealed that themother's of both of the characters was a secret, but wrote it in as an author'snote, rather than a question towards the reader. Also you included a note tocontinue into the book to get more background. I'd encourage you to remove allauthor notes and focus on telling the main plot of your story in the summary!Draw the reader in with what your story has in store! 

A rule of thumb (in my opinion) for summaries is:

- introduce your main character (maybe one other character alongside of your MC)

- the main conflict of the story

- the stakes: what could happen if the MC doesn't accomplish their goal?

- the cliffhanger/hook to draw the reader into wanting to find out what happens

I think by focusing on these main points, and putting them together, it would help give you a blueprint to simplify and clarify your summary! :) Here's my interpretation of what your main points could be for your summary:

- Main character? Your main character is this "boy" (I'd encourage including his name in the summary). You also mention this "girl" who is his best friend.

- Main Conflict? This is what needs clarifying. What is the main plot conflict of the whole book? - Is it his journey to discover his place in the world? Is it him and this girl who's his best friend, fighting against their families for their love? Is it the two of them fighting for their lives against the world who hates them so much? Figure out that main plot point, and you're golden.

- The Stakes? After figuring out your main conflict, what will happen if the boy doesn't accomplish his goals? Will he die? Will he lose the love of his life? What will happen?

- Cliffhanger? This goes alongside of the stakes. What will draw your reader into your story - why should they read your book? Give a "duh-duh-DUH" moment.

Hook & Plot Uniqueness (3/10)

Hook from "Chapter 1"

What I Think Works:

- Establish main character? Yes - Aidan/Aidy & Elyana.

- Main event? Kind of. Elyana asked Aidy for a favor and they took off to the airport.

- Setting? Kind of. I couldn't tell if they were at the gym or Elyana's home, then they were suddenly on the road? There were lots of places.

- Cliffhanger? Kind of. Elyana's friend kicked Aidy which cause confusion as to what was going on.

What I Think Could Use Improvement:

(A lot of my notes that would apply here are in the "Writing Style/Grammar" section)

I think Chapter 1 was too busy. Too many things were happening that it caused some confusion as to what was going on. I'd suggest an easy and slower opening! Have Aidy wake up & then establish your world! :) Where are we? Describe the world to the reader. Introduce us to who Aidy is - don't be afraid to take your time in introducing the reader to the character that's going to take them through this story.

Character Dialogue (2.5/5)

- I enjoy the banter you wrote between Elyana and Aidy.

- Your vocab skills shine in descriptions! Use more of that! Paint a picture for the reader, so we can see the world as you see it! :)

- Work on your pacing. Some of the conversations fly by very quickly, and we quickly move from one topic to another - let the readers see the relationship between Elyana and Aidy through solid conversations and banter. Banter is super fun to read!

Writing Style/Grammar (points omitted)

To be honest, the grammar and English structure needs some cleaning up. A lot of problems I saw were punctuation issues (excess punctuation marks, dialogue quotations) and grammatical structure of an English sentence (example: "Was you expecting some romance from me, Aidy?" —> "Were you expecting romance from me, Aidy?"). I was able to have a general grasp for what was happening in those first three chapters, but English translations are not easy, so I want to say kudos to you for tackling that. You have such a wonderful vocabulary within your writing, and I LOVED reading it, but grammar and translation issues made it difficult to truly appreciate.

If you more forward with an edit, I do think that having an editor that is knowledgeable in translating works from another language into English would be helpful. I think that will help clarify your story for English readers. If you can not find an editor that specializes in that, I think having an editor in general could even be helpful. Having a second pair of eyes go over your work could help your grammar be cleaned up, and any English translation confusion be clarified!

(With all this said - This is hard work, I seriously commend you for tackling translating.)

Total Score: 8/20

Other Comments:

Thank you for letting me read your book! :) I truly hope this critique is not too overwhelming and is helpful. Best of luck to you!