Hidden Away

Twenty-One: Home

Different parts of the nightmare flashed through my head as I shot up in my bed. My hand went directly to my heavily rising chest, making sure I was still breathing. My hand dropped to the bed in relief and I used it for extra support to keep me up. My other hand was shaky and I wasn't sure how long it would be able to keep my body up by itself. 

I dragged my shaking body to the edge of the bed and kicked my legs over it. I brought my hand to my forehead and realized how drenched in sweat the hair along my hairline was. The room was still dark, giving me the impression that it was early in the morning. I turned to look over to Rowan's bed and saw him asleep. He was laying down facing my direction. I turned back around to face the wall in front of me but jumped when I heard my brother's voice cut through the thick silence. 

"Everything okay?" He asked. I turned only my head in his direction.

"Nightmare," I said, plain and simple. I didn't want to talk about it and relive the moment again. Then my thoughts went back to the talk we had last night about telling each other everything we were feeling and everything we want to let off our chest. But this time was different and he needed to understand that not everything I feel is meant to be talked out with him. 

"That didn't look like just a nightmare." That didn't look like a nightmare? I didn't know what he meant by that. When I didn't answer, he spoke again. "You were stirring around like crazy and mumbling incoherently," He explained, then added, "For hours." I pulled my legs back onto the bed and crisscrossed them, facing Rowan's bed fully. I noticed he was sitting up all the way now. 

"I've been having these—these dreams," I started to explain. My head bowed and my gaze fixed itself on my hands, which were in my lap. "And they've been telling me things." I continued by crossing my legs and wrapping my arms around them, hugging them close to my chest. "I had one about mom before I was able to come home." I was able to hear Rowan let out a pleased breath from across the room and even though it was dark, I could tell it brought a smile to his face at me admitting that my home was with them. It also brought a smile to my face.  "I was in my room and Aunt Olivia walked in. I was so confused when she said my name because I had no idea who she was. Then she brought up mom and I denied her existence. I denied it because I was always told she was dead and I always believed it. I never even thought there was a possibility that Alec was lying and that my family was somewhere else. But then I met you guys and everything came together. That dream was one of the reasons I was able to meet you." 

Deep down I knew that if I had never had that dream, Alec would still be alive, my relationship with Evan wouldn't be falling apart, and perhaps I wouldn't have met my real family. Something about it seemed better than my current situation. I lost a lot of things, and those things weren't close to being worth losing at the time to my situation, but I realized I was being selfish. I may not have known my family before I had that dream, and I may not know them or know of their existence if I went back in time right now and decided to live my old life, but they would know of their daughter and they would've known she's out there, and just thinking about it made me sick to my stomach. I always put other's feelings before mine, so why did it feel so wrong to care about mine for once? 

I decided that this moment wasn't the correct one to be thinking about everything. I ended up explaining to Rowan what my nightmare that night was about and how terrified it had me. It didn't just scare me after knowing that the first dream like this I ever had came true, it also reassured me that the decision I was making my staying away from Bennett was the correct one. He was so surrounded by danger that I was sure it could never reach me if no one knew I was his mate. My family would be safe

He would be safe. Those two things were of most importance to me. 

Rowan and I talked until the sun came back up and started to shine through the curtains of the only window that was in the room. We talked through my nightmare and both came to the conclusion that staying away would ensure the safety of everyone. I did worry about how Bennett would hold up by himself, but quickly reassured myself that he would be okay. He had his brother, his parents, and plenty other people to keep him company. Somehow, from what he admitted to me, I knew that even though he had so many people to keep him company, he would always lack mine.