More Now Than Ever

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Song: Are You With Me by Nilu

I've always hated the smell of hospitals. You know the smell I'm talking about. Sterile. Clean. Smells of disinfectant everywhere you go. And the colors. Everything is white, and the lights are way too bright. I hate hospitals.

More now than ever before.

I'm currently seated in one of the chairs in the waiting room, my knees pulled up to my chest, with silent tears falling down my face, as I stare off at nothing. I feel hopeless. I feel nothing.

"Oh my gosh, Emma!" a voice breaks me from my thoughts, and I look over to see Dani and Kira running towards me.

"Ollie called us, he told us what happened," Kira says, and they both pull me into a hug. The tears start all over again, as a sob racks through me.

"Have you heard anything?" Dani asks, pulling back and looking at me. I shake my head, wiping my eyes for the thousandth time in the last four hours.

"He's in surgery," another voice speaks up. Quinton. Dani runs to him, hugging him tightly. He wraps his arms around her, hugging her back just as tightly.

"They haven't even come out to update you at all?" Kira asks, as Ollie walks into the waiting room. He takes a seat, and pulls her onto his lap.

"Nothing yet, unfortunately," he sighs, looking over at me. Seeing the two happy couples makes me want to vomit. Literally. I jump up from my seat, and run to the bathroom down the hall, all of them yelling after me.

As soon as I get into a bathroom stall, anything I've eaten the last 24 hours goes into the toilet. I hear the bathroom door open, and I assume it's Dani or Kira. Or both. The door to my stall opens, and someone holds my hair back.

"Are you okay?" Dani asks softly, running her fingers through my hair.

"No, I'm not," I sob, then feel more vomit rising in my throat.

After about five more minutes of vomiting, I finally feel okay enough to stand up. I flush the toilet, and turn to see both Dani and Kira standing there. I step out of the stall, and wash my hands, then rinse my mouth out with water.

"Do you feel like eating anything? Crackers maybe?" Kira asks. I shake my head, then immediately regret it. The nausea kicks in, and I have to bite my fisted hand to force the vomit back down.

"No," I whisper.

"You at least need something to drink. You'll get dehydrated," Dani responds, and I nod slowly.

"Okay." We step out of the bathroom, and go back into the waiting room.

"I hate to be the one to ask, but is this the stress of everything?" Ollie asks, his eyebrow raised. "Or are you pregnant?"

Kira rolls her eyes, slightly smacking her boyfriend on the arm. "She's stressed, babe." I look at them and slowly shake my head. They all connect the dots at the same time, and let out gasps.

"Oh, honey... You're pregnant?" Dani asks softly, sitting next to me. I nod slowly, letting the tears stream down my face once again.

My phone starts to ring on the table next to me. I look down and see my mom calling me. I sniffle and wipe my eyes again, clearing my throat. After the fourth ring, I finally answer.

"Hi mom," my voice is hoarse, and she'll quickly know something is wrong.

"Emmy? What's wrong?" she asks, making me smile slightly. Then a sob escapes my lips as the memories from earlier today resurface.

"Mommy," I sob. "Jake was shot." She lets out a loud gasp.

"Oh my god. Is he okay? I'll have David book the first flight out!" she starts to ramble, yelling to David in the background.

"He's in surgery, momma. I don't know how he's doing."

"Well, he's still in surgery, so he's still alive, baby girl ," she tells me, and that actually makes me feel slightly better. "David just booked a flight, we leave in the morning."

"Okay momma," I whisper, suddenly feeling sick again. I close my eyes, and take deep breaths, trying to not throw up.

"I'll let you go, baby girl. Keep me updated, please." I agree, and we hang up. When I open my eyes, everyone is staring at me.

"Does Jake know?" Q whispers, and I shake my head.

"I found out this morning, before we went to the cemetery," I tell them with a sigh.

I remember the exact moment I took the test in Jake's bathroom, and the initial shock when it was positive. But now it feels like none of that matters. I just need Jake.

"You should probably go to the OBGYN here and make sure everything is okay," Dani suggests.

"I will. After I know that Jake is okay. I'm not going anywhere until then."

I know I need to worry about all of this stress harming the baby, but the shock of actually being pregnant hasn't set in yet. Jake possibly dying? That's set in. Killing a man in self defense? That's definitely set in.

"How much did Ollie tell you guys when he called?" I whisper, glancing up at them.

"Everything," Kira frowns.

"Monte?" my voice is so slow, I only know they heard me when they nod their heads. I let out a sigh, running a hand through my hair.

The door to the waiting room opens, and in steps a doctor. We're all on our feet in an instant. "Is this the family of Jacob Cantelli?" he asks, looking around at all of us.

"Yes," I immediately respond.

"I'm Dr. Hart. He's out of surgery, and he's stable. The bullet hit his appendix, causing it to burst, so that was removed. We've been able to control the bleeding, and he's resting comfortably in the ICU. You may visit him, but one person at a time, and for short periods of time so he can rest. Do you have any questions for me?"

"He's okay?" I whisper, needing to be reassured. He smiles softly at me, and nods.

"He is. You may go see him now."

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