Statehouse Thoughts & Headcannons

A series of unfortunate events

Yes I impulsively wrote all of this immediately after seeing Alaska with a giant teddy bear in the voting episode, so what?

-0- Desert states and states with a lot of beaches track sand around if they're not careful -0-

No one knows how but sand will just,, be there.
All the time.

Usually they can tell who it was by the sand, Hawaii having black or pink, New Mexico with white, Arizona with red-orange, Utah with light pink, etc. but states like Florida, Colorado, California, Idaho, Rhode Island, Michigan, and Texas have pretty much the same stuff (to anyone who doesn't live there, at least)
There have been fights over who did it, to the point that DC just doesn't even bring it up anymore.

A month or so into the statehouse they finally decide to invest in a roomba.

-0- Florida, Louisiana, and Georgia adopt the roomba -0-

They name it Juan Peach. Loui decorated his charging port, Florida gives him a hat and a weapon, Georgia feeds him, and they all love him dearly.

When the tv's broken they just follow the roomba around.

They somehow manage to add a whole new code to his programming, now if he's chasing you with a weapon he'll go away but only if you give him an offering to vacuum up.
California is Concerned, how did they do that and what else can they do?

He tried asking but Juan Peach chased him away before he could.

-0- Alaska's teddy bear -0-

(Totally not projecting in this one, nOpE, not at all (now if only I had a magic bear,,,))

In Alaska during late spring through early fall the sun will set at 10-12pm and rise at 4-6am, some people get curtains or blinds but most people who were born there are just used to it and can fall asleep while it's still light out.
Some people who lived in Alaska long enough to get used to it can also do this but later on if they move to the lower 48, even once jet lag wears off, falling asleep can still be harder when the light's off. Your body is used to falling asleep when the sun's up, it's not winter, the sun is Not up, it's not sleep time.

His bear fixes this, letting him sleep whenever he wants when he's staying in the mainland.

One time the bear had ended up in the living room, dangling off the couch, Juan Peach stabbing it and in Alaska's opinion, committing 1st degree murder. The resulting mock trial led to the discovery that the bear's name is in fact "Ursa" and she was a gift from Hawaii when they were kids.

Texas tried teasing him for it but the second he realized Alaska was actually quite very upset about the bear his good guy morals kicked in and he immediately apologized, deciding to help find someone there who could fix it.

-0- North Carolina can sew -0-

Alaska is forever thankful for this.