𝚇𝚇𝚇𝚃𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙰𝙲𝙸𝙾𝙽 𝙸𝙼𝙰𝙶𝙸𝙽𝙴𝚂 {𝚁𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚜 𝙲𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚍}

𝙽𝚘 𝙾𝚗𝚎'𝚜 𝙸𝚗 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚁𝚘𝚘𝚖 🥀✨

‟𝑩𝒂𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝑱𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒆 𝑹𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒛'𝒔 ‟𝑵𝑶 𝑶𝑵𝑬'𝑺 𝑰𝑵 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑹𝑶𝑶𝑴‟

⚠️𝑾𝑨𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮⚠️
𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒅𝒆𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒔𝒖𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒅𝒆. 𝑰𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 I 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆.

Yn
I was sitting in the room i shared with jah in deep thought. For the past few months I've been judged and talked about for being in a relationship with him after the rumors and claims that he beat his ex-girlfriend and so on. I didn't believe because she was known for lying but the fact that some of the fans believed her but didn't believe him blows my mind. I'm honestly tired of being put on a pedestal to be judged and I feel like I'm naked because of how vulnerable I am.

They take that as a advantage since I've been "graded" all my life and been told "im not enough" or "you're not gonna make it" or "just be pretty". I'm so much more than that and no one sees that but Jahseh. Recently my faith has been low from being tested on so much. I was raised to believe that there's a god and you shouldn't judge people for what they believe in. My parents would be so worried for me if they knew how I'm really feeling. Sometimes I don't even know who I am anymore. I recently went to get a wellness checkup and it turns out I struggle with a deep depression and suffer suicidal thoughts.

Jahseh found out before I could ever tell him just by looking in my eyes. I'm so grateful for him being in my life. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. I hadn't realized I was crying until I looked at the mirror on the wall. I quickly wiped my eyes and pretended to lay down like I was chilling on my phone.

"Hey mamas." Jah said while grinning, laying on me.

"Hi my love." I said while grinning softly, rubbing his head.

"What you doing?"

"Oh nothing just chilling baby how was everything in the studio?"

"It went good and why were you crying?" He asked while looking at me, concerned.

"Oh nothing I was just thinking that's all." I said, trying to avoid the topic.

"Lies mamas what's going on?"

"Recently I've been feeling like shit from everything and everyone. People constantly talking about me and judging me. I know I shouldn't listen to them but I see it everywhere. Then on top of that dealing with thoughts like slitting my throat or cutting my wrists or just something to take them off my mind. I hate having to deal with this everyday I just want to be happy."

"I know you here this from me a lot but fuck them people. All they can do is talk. You're a grown ass women and you made your decisions because you wanted to. People can believe what they want I know what I did. If you're happy being with me and our families don't have a problem with us being together who gives a fuck how they feel. You make me happy and I feel alive everyday being with you."

I couldn't do anything but cheese goofily at him. He laughed and hugged me tightly as I did the same. Realizing that this man makes me want to stay alive and I shouldn't care what people think. I'll have my days but overall I wanna be with him.

"Now get ya ass up and come play the game with me." He said while grinning.

"Noooo you be cheating." I said while pouting.

"Girl you wish I was you just suck."

" I don't suck you a cheater all together."

"Okay how bout this if you win I get to pamper for this whole week plus head whenever you want." He said while getting up, stretching.

"Okay what's the catch?" I said while getting up with him.

"But if I win I get the same thing." He said while smirking.

"Mhm you just wanna win so bad so you can get it what if I refuse?"

"You can't that's the thing that's the whole point."

"Okay whatever sir." I said while nudging him over.

I ran quickly downstairs, knowing he was gon catch my ass. As soon as I got to the last step he grabbed me. Y'all when I tell you he yanked me back like his life depended on it 💀.

"Gotcha bitch!" He said while holding me, mocking Dave Chapelle.

"No fairrrr!" I said while pouting then smiling some.

"You already know I'm fast asf don't even know why you tried mamas."

"Because I wanted to sir."

He grinned and kissed me, holding me close. I kissed him back, feeling butterflies in my stomach. This man makes me so happy and I really want to spend the rest of my life with him on this journey of feeling like I'm enough.

𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒖𝒚𝒔 💕. 𝑰 𝒎𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒏.