Behind Your Walls

03 | run away

Her closed eyelids flutter causing me to breathe a sigh of relief. I drop my bag on the floor and rush towards her. Kneeling beside her hardly conscious self, I put my arms around her, tears spilling from my eyes as I probe her to open her eyes.

"Mommy, mommy please, please open your eyes," I sob as I check her pulse, putting two fingers on her wrist.

They are slow and it makes me feel more nervous with each beat. There is the sound of glass crashing in the sitting room and I hear Panther's vicious voice as he groans. He is drunk again and he must have hit mom in that state.

"WHERE'RE THE DRINKS!?" he shouts and I flinch at the sound.

"Mommy, mommy, please."

My efforts failing, I crawl over to my bag on all my fours and topple its contents out to procure my phone. Just as I am about to dial the ambulance, I hear a moan from behind me.

"Maya..." my mother calls.

The phone drops from my hand as I turn around to crawl back towards her. I hold her by her shoulders as she pushes herself up and moves the hem of her dress back to her knees. Her body shivers under my touch like the wings of a frightened bird.

"Mom, mom...you okay?" I inquire, my voice shaking.

She holds my hand and looks at me with her eyes full of tears. There is a bruise right on the middle of her forehead and her cheeks are non-existent. As I hold her, I can feel how much weight she has lost due to all the stress Panther has inflicted upon her. Even the thought of his face makes my blood boil and I hold her more tightly as I place my head on her shoulder to hug her.

"Mom, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have gone anywhere. I shouldn't have left you alone," I cry more and feel the lightest brush of her hand on my own.

"Take me to the bedroom, Maya. Lock the door," she whispers and then groans again.

I quickly let go of the hug and stand up, helping her to her feet. There is another crash from the sitting room and we both tremble at the sound.

"C'mon, quick. Hurry, Maya," mom breathes as she ushers me to help her walk.

We avoid the sitting room and instead enter through the kitchen. I spot the shape of Panther sitting on the couch and quicken my steps at the same time, making sure he doesn't have any inkling of my being home.

We climb up the stairs, taking cautious steps until we reach mom's bedroom. I walk her up to the bed and make her sit. She lies down instead. I close the door, making no sound as I lock it. Walking up to mom, I sit down beside her as she closes her eyes and rubs her forehead, wincing when her fingers brush the injury. It will leave a scar but at least there is no blood. I wonder for a moment if I should call the doctor but the thought of Panther knowing that makes me drop the idea.

"What did he do, mom? Please, tell me," I say as I pick up the jug from the bedside table and pour a glass of water for her.

She lifts her head when I draw the glass near her lips and takes a sip.

"He came home drunk and I might have ended up saying a word or two which didn't go well with him," she sighs, lying down again. "I don't think he was even in his senses when he hit me."

"Mom, why don't we go to the cops? This is too much. We can't live like this."

She drops her hand from her head and takes a hold of my fingers. I press our hands together and feel the icy coldness of her skin. She is running a fever.

"We can't do that. Panther knows powerful men. We can never get rid of him," she speaks in a low voice like she is afraid of Panther hearing her.

"But—"

"Listen, Maya. We can't get rid of him but you can save yourself. Run away, love, and don't come back."

Silence follows her words as I stare at her blankly. "What?"

"Leave, love. Run away. I don't know how long I'll live anymore. I feel sick and not able to move already. If I die, he'll come after you. He'll want you."

"You aren't dying!" I exclaim.

She smiles a small smile that barely touches her lips. "I pray I don't but if I do, I can't have him get to you. Please, listen to—"

I cut her off by throwing myself on her, sobbing out loud as I lay my head on her shoulder, hugging her tightly. I forget that she is injured, forget that she needs rest, forget that I have to be mature. At this moment, I just need my Mom and she is asking me to leave her. I can never do that.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You're being crazy. Just sleep, we'll talk about this later."

She doesn't respond to me and I pull myself back, afraid that I am hurting her. She looks at me with a face as still as stone but her eyes tear up and her hold on my hand tightens.

"How'll I be happy if I can't ensure you're safe?" she begins. "Don't you want to see me at least be relieved of worrying about you? Please listen to me, Maya. Run away. Go to your grandma..."

"I'm not going to New York! Not that far away from you."

"Maya?"

Her face is stern now. Weak but stern. The way she looks at me reminds me of all the times when she has ever scolded me for having bad manners. My heart drums like the hum of a bee as the visuals of her sacrificing everything for me flashes over my eyes. We were so fine. Alone but fine until Panther stormed into Mom's life.

He is the type of guy who can swing you off your feet in no time but then drop you from the edge of a cliff. For me, he is the definition of toxic masculinity.

"Mom, please...I don't want to leave you. Please don't make me do that." A tear slips down my cheek as I give her my most pleading look. Anything to make her drop the idea. I don't want to leave. She lifts a hand and puts it on top of my head, caressing me slowly with a smile on her face.

"I love you so much. Please don't make me regret it. Go, Maya. Run away from this monster who lies waiting for the day I'm dead and he can get you for himself. Please, listen to Mom."

My cry is a little louder this time as I throw my arms around her again. "Mom, I love you."

"I love you too."

We stay like that for a long time, both crying over the mishappenings of our life. The sun outside finally disappears from the sky and her simple room with a bed, cupboard, and desk starts to darken around us. I pull away slowly only when my tears have dried up.

"Mom, please tell me about Dad," I whisper in the dark.

I feel her squeeze my hand with the weakest of pressure. "He was a brave soldier...and you, my darling, are his brave daughter."

I return her squeeze with a gentler one, forcing a smile on my face. I wish we can stay like this forever. Smiles are few in our lives but the moments when we actually have them, feel so real and I will never trade those moments for anything.

Our calm moment is broken by the sound of another loud crash from down the hall followed by Panther's angry growl.

"AMAYA SOMMERS, GET THE FUCK DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!"