Are you an undiscovered writer searching for ways to improve your work and get some recognition? Apply to have your story reviewed here and expect honest feedback, brutal critiques, and to return with a story that can't ever be forgotten.
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BLURB:
18-year-old Monica Brown has lived an ordinary, cocooned life. Well, until a billionaire decides to waltz in and wreck everything, bringing with him a mysterious attacker, the unveiling of a world-famous band, and most unfortunately, an outrageously good looking guy.
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'I stared with awe at the sight in front of me. The sun was reflecting on the glass windows to create a beautiful golden halo that encompassed the complex-
"You can close your mouth. We have facial muscles for that, you know."
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YOUR COVER: (5/10) I can see that there was a lot of thought and hard work put into the cover. However, I could not make a connection to your story. I suggest getting a cover maker on Wattpad to create a cover that better suits your story's genre.
YOUR TITLE: (5/10) From reading your first five chapters, I could not make a connection to your story and the title. When I first saw the chapter, I initially thought of this story as a horror or thriller/mystery story, not a bubbly, humorous light-hearted story. It's likely that this story will draw in the wrong audience for your story. I love the title as it is, but it unfortunately does not suit your story. I suggest changing the name to something humorous that will draw in an audience who can appreciate your wit and comedy throughout your story.
YOUR BLURB: (5/5) I can clearly see that you've put your all into your blurb. It's short, concise, and relates to your story. I really enjoyed the humorous aspect you've incorporated into your hook, letting some of your writing voice and character personalities shine through.
YOUR HOOK: (4/5) The humor you've added into the hook really drew me in. I loved that it made me smile, and already I have a feel for what your main character is like. By reading your hook, I'm eager to learn more. One thing I'd suggest is to convert the all caps into italics. Your readers will understand the emphasis. Other than that, I was surprised and impressed by how much you've hooked me in with this one sentence. You're off to a wonderful start, and I can already tell I'm going to enjoy reviewing your story.
YOUR GRAMMAR: (8/10) I'm glad to say that you seem to have a strong grip on your grammar skills. I've spotted a few mistakes here and there happening frequently throughout your chapters, which shows that you still need a little work on recognizing these kinds of mistakes. While you seem to get a general idea of what commas are for, always ask yourself why you are using a comma. Remember that it is used to separate several clauses, and usually should be joined with proper conjunction (but, and, or, etc). Along with that, sometimes it's better for commas to be replaced with periods. Along with that, you mainly have a problem with the proper punctuation at the end of your dialogue. You tend to end your dialogue with a dialogue tag ("he said," "she said," etc) which is not a bad thing. However, a dialogue is not a sentence by itself; it is actually part of the dialogue sentence. Therefore, if you are not ending your dialogue in a question mark or exclamation mark, you should be ending it in a comma, and the dialogue tag should not be capitalized as it is not the start of a new sentence. If, however, you are having an action tag at the end of the dialogue "I started walking..." or "With those words, I spun around and left..." Then those are sentences by themselves, and the dialogue should end in a period; the action tags should be capitalized to indicate the start of a new sentence. This may be confusing, so if you have trouble understanding this, privately message me and I will help you! I will also further explain this during your chapter reviews.
