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When I woke up and discovered I had been sucking on Carlos' thumb, I was embarrassed as well as mortified. I haven't done that ever since my nightmares stopped. I guess the little panic attack made the habit come back. It just helps me know that I'm not in the place I am dreaming about if I actually feel something from my normal reality.
I wouldn't mind as much if it was my thumb. I'd feel a bit less self-conscious. But it wasn't my thumb. It was Carlos' . What must he think of me? A freak. A wimp. A baby. I mean who would do that? I just keep on embarrassing myself.
And the panic attack I had in front of him as well. Oh bananas. I didn't think him caging me like that would trigger something so private and uncomfortable to me.
It must have been uncomfortable for him as well. All he was doing was laying above me while we were having an intimate moment. And then out of nowhere ,for a reason he wouldn't know, I'm having a panic attacks. He must have seen me as a pitiful little scaredy-cat that can't even handle having a man on top of me without somehow just about dying.
Oh donuts. I just registered he was on top of me. We were having an intimate moment. Well it was intimate to me at least. I don't know about him. He was touching and making me feel strange, good things I had never had anyone do or make me feel before. It was weird. My brain wasn't in control of anything I was doing.
And the noise that left my mouth were a mystery to me as well. Carlos seemed to find them satisfactory. He would groan and kiss my neck. Sometimes bite it and then soothe it with his lips and tongue. That made it even more pleasurable. He was so gentle with me.
Are those sounds normal to make in that point of time? I have never done that before. That was my first time being so close and sexual with someone. I didn't necessarily know what to do.
He just made me feel so special and good that I couldn't stop what I did. It was like my body had taken the whole control from my brain. I was in no control. I just wanted him to help me relieve the burning tingly sensation in my kitty. It was suffocating. And he was only intensified them when he was slowly trailing his hand up my leg. That didn't help one bit.
I was soo embarrassed when he felt the wet mixture on my thigh. But ,when he explained to me what it was and why I did that, I felt a little less embarrassed but more awkward. I didn't realise I was enjoying what he was doing that much.
It all went south when I told him I had already tasted it. He was just so angry. It triggered a whole bunch of memories I wished not to remember.
The way he handled and calmed me down made me feel a whole lot of gratitude and adoration for him. Hardly anyone is able to calm me down but this mysterious alluring man I had only known for 24 hours could. I would forever be confused and grateful for that.
