LOSS

CHAPTER 33

"I remember"
At first I wanted to ask what had he remembered that required such dramatic announcement, then realization dawned on me. He remembers, that means the man no longer has amnesia. If he no longer has amnesia why is he fighting this divorce?

" if you remember, why are we here?" I voiced my question.

"I spent weeks trying to remember my past, when I finally did, I hated myself for it. What I did to you Selena and our daughter was sheer wickedness. I take responsibility for my actions and I want to make things right between us" he spoke such valiant words. After the short speech he looked at me hopefully while the others in room looked in anticipation.

This can go so many ways, I can either get angry and smack him for wasting my time, or I can allow his words to sway me and fall into his arms or I can get up and leave without looking back because the divorce is valid.

I did neither of those things. I just stared at him also anticipating my own reaction. His eyes looked sunken, his hair barely staying in place because they obviously haven't been combed for a while, his clothes are nothing to write home about. Ultimately, he looked haggard and unkempt.

"Please ladies and gentlemen can you excuse us for a moment? I spoke to the lawyers in the room. I even shocked myself, Selena what are you planning?

The lawyers silently left the room. I returned my gaze to Barry after the last lawyer exited the room.

"When exactly did you get your memory back? I asked genuinely curious.

He seemed taken aback by my question or perhaps the softness of my voice but he answered anyway.

"Three weeks after I signed the divorce papers" he confessed. That means, he began fighting the divorce after his recovery. I gave a nod and kept looking at him.

He squirmed in his seat looking very uncomfortable under my silent gaze.

"I promise you Selena, I will never hurt you again. I love you, I love Annabelle please lets work this out" he professed. But I was confused. Who is Annabelle?

"Should you be confessing your love for Annabelle to me?" I was a bit confused.

"Of course and I will also confess it to her when I see her. I cannot wait to see my  Ana, our lovely daughter.  We will be a family again, forgive me I beg of you" he moved over to my side of the table and knelt down. He wanted to reach for my hand but I scooted backwards on my seat.

I wonder which one of his baby mama's named their daughter Annabelle because he's definitely not talking about my Mariana. I decided to ignore the soap opera display he put up and finally give a response.

"I forgive you Barry" I spoke firmly.

He got up and wanted to hug me but I pushed him back. He looked at me confused.

"Let me finish" I almost yelled at him but I somehow succeeded  in keeping the harshness from my voice. This man was testing me today but I will not yield.

"I forgive you, only because blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy. I forgive you not because of anything you just said here, but for myself. I refuse to become angry and bitter because of a man like you. Forgiving you does not mean I want anything to do with you. You ended our marriage a long time ago, and there is nothing left. If you were hoping I kept the fire of my love for you burning, I happily inform you that the fire died out months ago.

I used to think I was a fool to have loved you the way I did. But now I realise you were the fool. My love for you was kind, it was patient; I was never angry with you, I was loyal to you,  I was even willing to overlook your philandering ways if you had changed. I was willing to give you everything and despite all the things you did to me I persevered and hoped you will  come back to me.

I loved you the way every man prays to be loved. Yet you mocked me for it, it meant nothing to you. Now I have decided to take my pure and unconditional love elsewhere where it will be valued. I'm not the woman you want, neither are you the man worthy of me. Go and be with the woman who hassles you as much as you want, a woman who isn't a robot as you once called me.

I have not asked for a dime from you, I only want my life back and to grant you the freedom you've been seeking for years.

If you insist on fighting this divorce, we will meet in court and i will ensure that your finances will go back  to being as bad if not worse than what you had when I met you.

By the way my daughter's name has never been Annabelle.

I will pray for you to find happiness, Shalom."

With that, I stood up, reached for my Hermés bag and walked out not looking back.

Actually it's my mom's bag, she insisted I carry it so now it's mine.