The Jeremy Gilbert Diaries Continued

3.4

I HAVE A FUCKING BOYFRIEND. Forgive the capital letters, I'm excited.

"Jeremy...?" Julien began as he sat beside me today. The stoners were just as surprised as the first time.

"Yeah, Julien?"

"What's the deal with you and Tyler? Don't spare me any details, I need to know. Because what I'm getting from him, and what I'm getting from you, it doesn't add up."

Shit. "...What did he tell you?"

"Well, I just noticed that he was significantly more out of it today. I wondered if it was about Caroline, but he looked at me like I was absolutely crazy and diverted his attention to where you were at the time."

I sighed. "Julien, it's... it's complicated. The important thing is is that it's over."

"So you dated?"

I wished I could've made myself smaller. I didn't want to talk about it, especially not with Julien. I didn't want to ruin what we have... "I mean... yeah."

"How long?"

"Julien... is this necessary?"

"I just want to know."

I kicked the ground. "Listen, it's... it's just really complicated."

"Then explain."

I sighed. He wasn't going to drop it. "Okay... at first, we were... together for a month or two. Then he left me for Caroline, I got really depressed and I hated him, but then I guess I decided I didn't..." Trying to explain it made me realize how ridiculous it all is. What was I thinking? "So I agreed to give him another shot. But that only lasted, like, a week. I realised how wrong I was..." Anna. My heart clenched a bit. I decided I wasn't going to mention her or I might start crying. "Then I left Mystic Falls for a while. I went through some shit and I wasn't in a very good place. Tyler was just in the right place at the right time... another week or two. Then, well, I met you."

Julien inhaled. "Wow."

I kind of wanted to die, or maybe just to disappear. I still can't believe I shared all that.

"So you're over him, but he's not over you?"

"I guess not." I muttered, really wishing I was six feet under.

"Okay. So what about that other guy Tyler used to complain about? The psycho one?"

My eyes widened. "Tyler said something about Da- him?"

"We used to talk about "the guy he liked." I figured out eventually that it was you."

I held my face in my hands. "Goddamnit..." What could I even begin to say about Damon? There's a lot I can't tell Julien. I guess it was a little dumb of me to go after one of Tyler's friends if what I wanted was to escape all of it. "Look, that was a long time ago." Or it feels that way, anyway. "He stuck around when I didn't want him to and it just looked bad in Tyler's point of view. But he did some... awful... things. I finally got him to leave me alone, and I'm not ever going to forgive him. It's over. That's... that's the gist of it."

"Damn... I- I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"Oh. Don't worry about it..." I've been through worse. "I just want something normal, something good, you know? Not crazy and toxic."

He put his hand on mine, but still didn't look at me. "Yeah, I can understand that."

I looked at the side of his face as he stared at the ground, probably wondering what the hell he thought of all that...

My chest tightened with worry. Would he want nothing to do with me now?

"I can't blame you for your past relationships, and it's clear you're over them... I don't know if there's some sort of bro code that forbids this, but I don't think I care." He looked up at me finally, and wrapped his fingers into mine. "I really like you, Jeremy Gilbert. I might have no relationship experience, but, if you'd let me, I'd love to be your shot at the normal-est relationship you'll ever know." He grinned a little, but I smiled like a dumbass. Could this boy be any more perfect? I don't think so.

"It would be my greatest honour, Julien Pence, to accept that offer."

He smiled and kissed me quickly. I hoped no one saw, all though who would these losers tell anyway?

"I'll catch you later, okay?"

"Okay."

I watched him walk away, biting my lip.

It's almost too good to be true.

Jeremy Gilbert

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[A/N] Happy Transgender Awareness Week everyone!!! Remember you are loved and valid no matter your gender expression and identity <333 I love you all! Much love,

chantivera 🖤