Chapter 61: An Empty Promise

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"You have no idea how much that means to me." He whispers as he pulls back, out of my embrace. Instantly I'm bombarded by the temperature drop, and feel a shiver go through my body.

Then it hits me.

I just made a promise that I know I can't keep.

Guilt doesn't seem a worthy word to represent how I'm feeling, it's more utter regret and anger at myself. How have I managed to weasel my way into this mess? Why have I done this to myself?

Matteo cups my face with his large hands, drawing my eyes away from the floor and into his.

His face is calm and his eyes are laced with unshed tears. A small smile is spread across his lips, he looks... Content.

Slowly he pulls me into a kiss. His eyes closed, I feel his lips against mine. They're soft and supple. Moulding easily against my own.

I don't reciprocate the kiss.

At first.

But then his  tongue grazes my bottom lip, asking for entrance, and I'm suddenly unable to resist. I allow him in and instantly, warmth spreads through my body. I feel like a sudden weight has been lifted off of my body. It's as if resisting him took all my energy, and now that I'm at this point, I feel so light.

But I know this is wrong.

I made a promise to myself.

It feels like a long time ago now, before Matteo apologised, before I knew that I had a brother, before I  began to feel anything but hatred for the man who is currently devouring my lips.

I wouldn't fall for this man.

I wouldn't love him the way he wanted to be loved.

And I think I know deep down, that despite how I feel now... I won't ever be able to love him with all my heart. My mind and my body will always remember the pain he put me through.

It's like I'm going against everything within myself when I pull away. Because I don't want to, I just want to kiss him and forget about all my worries. I just want him to make me forget.

"I... I'm sorry." I whisper, looking down and away from his eyes. I don't think I can look him in the eyes right now, not after all they 've said and done within the past ten minutes.

Matteo seems to understand, and pulls away giving me space. "It's alright." He says, and squeezes my hand gently. My heart flutters at the small gesture.

"I will be here for you Matteo, no matter what happens, you can talk to me... But I-"

"It's fine, I understand." He says promptly, before I can finish the words that I knew would hurt him just as much as they would hurt me.

I sniffle, wiping my eyes with the hand that Matteo isn't holding.

Matteo sits up further, shuffling in his seat. His hand doesn't let go of mine, however it becomes tighter, and I feel myself biting my lip at just how tight he's holding it. "Please-"

"Mia, about the marriage..." Matteo begins, once again cutting me off.

Oh god, the marriage.

I thought he had forgotten about that, will he really make me marry him after all that has happened between us?

"Yes." I squeak out, my eyes still turned down on the cream carpet beneath us.

"Please look at me." He pleads. I can hear the subtle desperation in his voice, and I desperately want to look up into his endless pools of darkness. The eyes which I fear that I could get lost in. The eyes I fear I could love if I looked at them for too long.

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