Chéri || Fred Weasley

v

That night I couldn't sleep. Sirius was in his animagi form sleeping on the floor of my room. Every time I tried closing my eyes to fall asleep, my head replayed everything that had happened in less than 24 hours. The fight with Clotilde, what dad told me before the man came into my room, his screams of pain when he was tortured and the blinding green light that took the life out of his eyes. When I got out of bed it was six in the morning, I quietly went down the stairs and into the kitchen and there I saw mum. She was standing looking out the window, holding a cup of coffee in her hands. "Bonjour chérie, did you get any sleep?" She asked me before siting down. "Not really, and Padfoot's in my room by the way" I said pouring myself a cup of hot coffee. "I know love, I asked him to come".

We sat in silence and slowly the rest of the family started coming into the kitchen. I hadn't spoken with Clotilde since last morning but our fight was completely forgotten when we hugged each other. Aunt Andromeda made breakfast and we all ate silently. Mum and Sirius explained everything about his innocence to Ted, Dora and Andi so he joined us for breakfast. At 10:00 we were all ready for dad's funeral, I apparated alongside Dora and it reminded me of all the times that dad and I apparated together. When we got to the château, I saw Mamie standing on the entrance. She was wearing a black dress just like mum, Andi and Clotilde. I felt really really cold so I opted for dress pants and a black blouse. I was embraced into a hug by mamie but I was unable to form words again.

A couple of dad's friends said a few words in his honor at the funeral. Timothee and Nathan spoke as well but I couldn't. My dad's last words kept replaying in my head. It all seemed so surreal.

I felt as if the last two days had gone in slow motion, as if I was part of one of those muggle films we used to watch when we were little. I hadn't spoken since this morning and neither did mum. I understood that both of our pains were different but in a way I felt that mine was closer to hers than from my siblings.

They say that a girl's first heartbreak is her dad and now I could officially confirm that indeed the phrase was completely and utterly true.

When we got back to the house, mum took out her want and everything inside the house began packing itself into boxes. I could tell that mum was never going to be the same person again but in a way so did I. Once everything was packed and sent to our new house in England, mum took Clotilde, then Timothee, then Nathan and I was the last one.

I went into my room one last time and stood there. I was completely numb, I didn't feel pain or sadness or anger, I was in fact not feeling anything. I closed the door and headed downstairs. I then stood in the kitchen for what seemed like forever, replaying in my head all the time I spent with dad in there, but I wasn't able to feel anything. When mum and I apparated, I was surprised to see our new 'home'. But I knew that it wasn't my home. I didn't have a home anymore because dad was now gone, and he was home.

Contrary from our house, it was a cottage. There were four bedrooms and two bathrooms. It was going to be weird sharing a bathroom since we each had our own back in France. The kitchen space was significantly smaller and so was the living room area. Mum showed me my new room which was smaller to what I was used to but my mind was way too lost to care.

The next two weeks after dad's funeral were completely quiet. I only left my room to use the bathroom and spent most of my time just reading or staring out of the window. Nathan and Timothee spent a lot of time outside with Clotilde trying to distract themselves and if mum wasn't cooking or painting, she would sit at the edge of pond nearby.

It was now August and everyone seemed to be moving on but me. We had gone to Diagon Alley in London to get our school supplies. I gave to Clotilde the vast majority of my clothes so mum took me to muggle London to get new clothes.

Every night I had nightmares about dad's death and woke up screaming, getting the rest of the household up. After the first two weeks of nightmares mum became tired and placed a silencing charm in my room. Since I was barely eating I lost a lot of weight and since I wasn't sleeping I had dark under eye bags. It was safe to say that I was a complete and utter mess.

Since it was August, the Quidditch World Cup was approaching. I remembered dad got tickets for all of us to attend but I wasn't the slightest bothered about it. Sports were never really my thing, unless you could count ballet. When I was little mum used to take me and Clo to ballet in a muggle studio but that was about it. Quidditch was usually what dad and Tim bonded about, so I knew for a fact that he was going to see the match. Mum knocked the door before coming entering my room. She sat down on my bed and handed me a couple of letters. I took them and there were letters from Amélie, Dora, Sirius and Andromeda. I threw the letters on the pile that had accumulated since we moved.

"The World Cup is in three days chérie, the rest have agreed to go but I understand if you wanna stay here" she said rubbing my back soothingly. "Not in the mood" I answered with my gaze fixed on the trees outside my window. "I understand love, we'll be leaving tomorrow before dawn. There's plenty of food in the kitchen if you get hungry", she said before kissing the top of my head like dad used to. Mum knew that I needed space, whenever Clotilde complained about me not doing anything around the house she would always tell her that my coping mechanisms were different from hers.

I woke up the next morning at around 11:00 am, I made myself a cup of coffee and headed back to my room. I sat down on my desk a pulled out a piece of parchment and my quill and began writing.   

        Cher dad,
I miss you more every single day. I sometimes feel like it's all a dream and when I wake up you will be there, but dreaming is for children. I have now realized that life is not how we want it to be, how life is just cruel and filled with suffering and sorrow. I miss you so much that there are not enough words in the English or French language to explain the emptiness that I feel. I'm numb. I haven't cried in such a long time, I feel like I spent all of my lifetime's tears the day that you were taken from us, from me. I'm sorry that I haven't kept up my promise. Je t'aime avec tout ma vie papa.
                 Ta petite étoile .