Mafia's Princess|TK

nine

9| angel

jeongguk was sitting inside his office, hands frustratedly in his hair as he closes his eyes and tried to steady his heartbeat.

why is his heart beating so fast though?

he blames it on the memory taehyung woke up in his head, but deep down there is something else.

"nghh!" he threw the pen he had on his table against the wall, making it splitter in every direction of the room, leaving a blue mark against the with white paint covered bricks, but he doesn't care.

he hates when he feels like this— is so confused. he doesn't understand himself and that scares him.

he's scared because he looses control and the last time he did...

a knock on the door made him look up again, his head was hurting and what he was going through got mirrored in his face, that looked paler than ever.

namjoon entered the room. he may or may not had overheard jeongguk's and taehyung's encounter from before and noticed jeongguk's change in acting the moment taehyung mentioned killing innocent people.

and he also knows why he changed.

"gguk, are you alright?" namjoon asked quietly and jeongguk looked up, face emotionless. "i'm fine, why are you here?"

"because you aren't fine at all. i heard you and taehyung and—"

"stop it!" jeongguk shouted, making namjoon flinch. he went with seokjin and jeongguk together through everything, since the ravenette was eighteen years old.

he had seen jeongguk growing up, changing to the person he is today. he had seen him in his happiest moments, in his saddest moments and in his biggest outbursts.

if this one thing didn't happen six years ago, would jeongguk still be the same?

"gguk you're hurting again, you can't always crawl into your own cave whenever you remember that day."

"hyung, go out!" jeongguk said, holding his head again, furiously looking down, lips pressed together.

"i won't go—

"you will or i..." but his words became quieter till no more words could leave his lips.

"what? or you make it end up ugly for me? you always say that, you never do. jeongguk you need to move forward, you can't always crawl back like this. forget what happened."

"how could i ever forget her, hyung? i loved her, jin loved her, you loved her too!" namjoon stiffened, because of course he loved her, she was like his own sister and he is more than sad that she isn't there anymore. but jeongguk isn't the one to blame.

"we all loved her gguk, we all lost her and suffered because of it, but this lies in the past, gguk. you couldn't know this would happen." namjoon said quietly and walks around the table, to put his hand on jeongguk's shoulder.

jeongguk wanted to cry, everyone says that crying helps to let things out, right?
but he can't cry. he just can't, because as much as he wants to, the facade he had build up and that only namjoon and seokjin can slightly see through keeps him from doing that. crying. he doesn't even remember how it feels.

so all he does is forming his emotion into anger— because anger is another emotion that you can let out with certain activities. and jeongguk is angry of himself, for his past actions, for not knowing she was in love with that person, for never trying to understand her.

he blames it on himself, that he lost the person who was the most precious to him.

"please just leave hyung— i don't want to talk about her."