Chapter 38

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Chapter 38


Angela POV

 
Amanda and I were in the bathroom washing our teeth.  This had been our routine since we came here and I didn't want to change to many things all at once.

 
I could tell by the look in her eyes, my baby girl was nervous and I didn't blame her.  We had sleep in the same bed together since she was too big for her bassinet and we never spent a night apart. 

 
When we were done I told her to go pee before bed and then we walked to the living room together.

 
'She comes to say goodnight.' I told Derrick, and he sat up.

 
'Have sweet dreams honey.  I love you very much.' He told her.

 
She wrapped her little arms around his neck, 'I love you too.' She pulled away from him and she wasn't a happy little girl like she had been a couple hours ago.

 
'Night.' She told him, 'Night honey.' he said.

 
She walked a couple steps and I looked at him, 'I don't know how long.' I told him.

 
'Take all the time both of you need.  I'll be right here.' He said giving me a little smile.

 
'Oh, tell me if I can help somehow?' He asked and I nodded.


 
I knew it broke his heart to.

 
'Thanks.' I said and looked ahead and Amanda was waiting for me.

 
I walked to her and we walked the rest of the way to her bedroom.  We both changed into our pj’s since all my clothes were still here and got on the bed under the blankets.

 
I read her two stories, sang one song and then we just had to wait.

 
I just couldn't fall asleep and have to start this process all over again tomorrow.  The way her eyes were looking at me, I was hoping that only tonight would be the worst night, for her at least.  I hated seeing her like this.

 
I felt like the worst mother in the world.  Trying to make her sleep alone after everything she went through.  Maybe it was too soon.  I kept second guessing myself but I just kept telling myself to hold on.

 
'You promise mommy you won't leave before I fall asleep?' She said with tears in her eyes.

 
'I promise baby and when you wake up tomorrow...you, daddy and me, we'll do something fun.  Something you want to do.' I whispered to her.

 
'We'll go on the bus again?' She asked sounding hopeful.

 
'If that's what you want to do, I'm sure daddy will say yes.' I told her. 

 
At the amount of time we were taking the bus, basically just going in circles we'd have to buy a bus pass soon.

 
She lifted her hand and grabbed two fingers and closed her eyes.

 
I knew she wasn't sleeping, giving me a test to see if I'd actually leave.  I knew I had to wait at least 45 minutes to an hour before moving from this bed.

 
I looked at my baby, her face relaxed but I could see her tears fall from one eyes onto her pillow.

 
I wanted to die.  I wanted to take it back, that I'd sleep with her for as long as she wanted me to.

 
I'm not sure how long it took to see her tears stop and for her hand to relax around my fingers.

 
I slowly moved to make myself a bit more comfortable and her hand squeezed my fingers.

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