The Older Man

Sixteen

Clara fell asleep soon after we came back to my office. I couldn't blame her. In fact, I envied her. I wanted to nap too, but I knew I needed to recieve report and send some emails out. If I didn't get it all doen today I was going to have to do overtime or come in tomorrow. Neither were acceptable options. I found comfort in her sleeping figure. She laid curled up on the couch, snuggling my coat. For a while I couldn't take my eyes off her.

Clara was especially lovely when she was asleep. The facade she worked so hard to maintain was gone, allowing me to admire her in a natural state. She slept on her side and always had to have something in her arms while she slept. Normally, it would be a plushie or my arm---though she preferred the plushie to my dimay. I digress, in her most natural state she was divine. Her long black hair contrasted her pale cheeks. Though my favorite thing to admire was her lips. She was a mouth breather, so her lips were agape giving you a glimpse of her teeth. And her lips--god her lips!--looked like ripe cherries. They were meant to be plucked with kisses and affection. Indeed, she was at her most natural a goddess of love, worhsip, and beauty.

My assitant came in with the report and glanced over at my sleeping beauty. I tensed up, expecting confrontation. Though, I think I tightened up because someone else could see her at her most vulnerable. Something about it did sit right with me. Only I had the privilege of seeing her in such a state. Only I could admire her. She was mine.

"Do you want me to come back later?"

"No, I reviewed it earlier. I sent you some edits. Once they're implemented I'll sign them."

She gave a curt nod and smiled over at the slumbering angel. It took about an hour for me to recieve the report. Once I had them signed I was officially done with work. It felt strange waking Clara up. She had this foggy look in her eye and she seemed quite confused about where she was. Though, once her eyes landed on me all her worries seemed to melt away.

"Hi baby," I cooed, my hand petting her cheeks. They were so warm and soft. She kissed my palm and gave me a sleepy smile. My chest tightened and I let out a breath. Her trust, her gentle gaze, made all the pressures and weight I struggled to combat everyday melt away. With her, it was easy to be free.

I picked her up and propped her on my hip. She wrapped her arms around my neck and seemed to melt into my side. I got deja-vu, remebering the first time I picked her up like this. I had no idea at that time that this tiny, beautiful, woman was going to be my everything.

"I can walk," her lips touched my neck as she spoke and I knew my reaction was innapropriate, really I knew, but it didn't change the way shivers went down my spine and my heart stammered. She was like my own person siren.

"I'm sure you can baby, but when you hold onto me all cute like this you make it hard to let go," I teased. I could feel the heat rush to her cheeks against my neck. She laid a sweet peck on the junction between my neck and shoulder and I put her down in exchange. The walk home was pleasant. We didn't talk much. Mainly because Clara seemed out of it. She was always like this after a nap. Once she was in her pajamas and fed she would return to normal.

We were around a mile away when Clara broke the silence. "You know, ever since I moved to the city I've felt so alone."

I glanced over at her to catch a glimpse of her eyes--to see what she was thinking. Yet, she refused to look at me. Her eyes were trained forward.

"These past couple of months have been the best I've had in years. I've never felt so... loved. And I feel like I don't tell you enough how much I appreciate everything you do and how much you mean to me. I've never been in a serious relationship. I have no idea what I'm doing and sometimes I get so scared that I'm going to fuck it all-"

The choked sound her voice made was enough to make my heart break. I didn't really know Clara's past. But, I knew she had been hurt. I knew she had crummy parents like I did. It never occured to me, though, that she might be as scared as I was.

"Baby. I love you. Nothing is going to change that... Well maybe if you murdered someone," I was relieved that I could make her smile. "I....I'm terrified that you might leave me too. That once you really know me you'll hate what you see."

Her eyes welled with tears and her hand squeezed mine. Then, she smiled sadly. "I guess we're both pretty fucked up, huh."

"Yeah, but I wouldn't want to be fucked up with anyone else. Now, let's go home and go out. Maybe a romantic dinner and alcohol to celebrate our fucked-up-ness."

She kissed our intertwined hands. Her lips were as soft and warm as ever. It seemed that even the hard winter frost could not bite her.

"I'd really like that."

I took her to a nice club a buisness partner of mine owned. Clara had spent over an hour in the bathroom getting ready while I napped some of the alcohol off. When I woke up she was struggling to pick an outfit. I used the availability of the bathroom to get ready and when I came out she was ready. When the lamp light caressed her soft jawline I felt an ache my chest. She looked so beautiful it hurt. There was something so regal about her in the warm lightening. It accentuated her high cheekbones and pointed out her full cheeks and pointed chin. Her hair was slick back in a ponytail. It only drew my attention to her almond shaped pecan-colored eyes. They met mine and matched my gaze. She held this gentle expression. The vulnerability of it all made me want to kneel before her and worship the ground she walked on. I didn't deserve someone who was so maddeningly beautiful inside and out.

"You are so beautiful. Wow" I swallow the knot forming in my throat "you are just—wow" I wheezed out. I couldn't overcome the knot. She just had this effect on me. I couldn't help but get choked up.

She giggled and gave me a peck on the lips. She said something about how I looked, but I couldn't hear her over my own thoughts. We'd been together for a few months now. Yet, in the short few months I've never felt so understood. I never met anyone who could ignite such passion. I was never left speechless but around her? I found myself losing my voice frequently.

I held her hand tightly the entire walk. I was terrified if I didn't hold on she'd disappear.

It's a filler. Sorry. More action to come hehe