Hopelessly Falling [book 2]

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Smut warning!!! Once it starts it stops at the end of the chapter. You can skip it if it makes you uncomfortable.
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QUICK ANNOUNCEMENT!! incase you haven't seen, I've made a playlist for this series! I love it. The link is in my bio :)

Ok ok sorry back to the story..

XXXVII
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Crystal's POV***

        At this point I understood that I had become an actual alcoholic. And I hated myself for it.

But the really sad part was that this acknowledgment wasn't doing much to stop me, if anything at all.

Even though I hadn't been sad all the time, or constantly in a state of wanting to erase my emotions like I had been when this all started, it still felt as though the bottle of tequila in our dorm closet was a mosquito bite begging to be scratched. It felt as thought there was a magnetic field between it and I. And it kept me up at night.

I'd tried to get rid of it a few times, but each time I would just hold it in my hand above the trash and pause, telling myself any possible excuse not to. And the excuse usually worked, no matter how stupid it was. I didn't even want to drink, I just felt like I needed to for some reason. I was unwillingly devoted to it.

I had built up the courage to let Ali know that I was having these struggles and about my mom's history, and she was really great about it all. She promised to help me out in any way she could, apparently not remembering about the bottle in our room- or knowing to take it away.

How subconsciously relieved I was when I realized this made me sick.

But she couldn't be there with me every night, and obviously I would never ask her too. So sometimes that mosquito bite just got too itchy. Even if I had to take one sip, it scratched it enough in my mind.

I needed help. But I was scared. And I didn't even know particularly of what or who, but I was really scared.

I had finally felt secure in who loved me and who I loved in my life after so long, but then here I was screwing up everything and all that stability and assurance yet again. Shocker.

I pushed away all the thoughts of alcohol and my inevitable breakdown because of it, and focused on the fact that Ashton said we could come visit tonight, and the fact that Ali had told me she was going to be staying off campus with her friends for two nights.

Perfect opportunity to torture Ashton, if I did say so myself. He hadn't made up with Eli yet, so my threat still held true.

I said goodbye to Ali as she left, and fell back into my bed, waiting patiently for Ashton to arrive. The time seemed to pass so slowly as I lay alone in that room with nothing but myself and the closet door silently calling my name. I kept pushing that voice away successfully, but was still relieved when Ashton called me.

He told me he was there, and I hopped off my bed to get get him from the first floor. When I saw him through the glass doors, he was looking down at his phone, and I smiled softly to myself.

He was wearing a black T-shirt that seemed to make his already dark hair and features appear darker, as well as those sweatpants that always made me feel some type of way.

I guess he had come here with the intention of riling me up... but we both had to have known that I wouldn't let him win at this 'no sleeping with until you talk to Eli' thing.