From Fat to Phat

|41| A night never to forget - Part III

TRAU.MA

/ˈtroumə,ˈtrômə/

noun

a deeply distressing or disturbing experience

It is a matter that holds no true form, it weaves into the hearts of all. A formless matter trapped in a cage made out of our imaginations.

Fear.

I tell myself that the fear is simply brain chemicals, my amygdala pinged, and then I try to analyse the situation as I may without it. I try to imagine it from the outside, as if it were a movie and not real life. Then I ask myself what my "character" should do. It helps me to make better choices.

I could barely process what had just happened. I had miraculously won the best dressed title and even though at the back of my mind I felt as if it had all been staged. I had decided to make myself the main character of my life so had convinced myself maybe I had truly won, maybe things were turning for me. Because constantly living in fear that someone is out to get me wasn't living my life I deserved to be happy given most of my life I haven't been and winning just for a sweet minute felt like a dream. It felt as if it was something I had been longing for, but I didn't realize it till it had happened I mean I never thought I could ever win and now that I had I felt as if I could accomplish anything.

But that passed just as fast as it came because those fears that had been lingering at the back of my head were true. One minute I was walking towards my crown the next I had been tugged away from it. But from the moment his hand held mine and he pulled me towards him I knew it was him because I could smell old spice, cinnamon and a hint of a cigarette. His dark blue eyes when he looked at me he held me so tightly as if I was a flower he had prevented from burning. I knew something was wrong as soon as Jacob held me and when the slutty trio pulled up my feeling became reality. Everything from there on was a blur.

I was going to be humiliated in front of everyone was all I could fathom. I knew Brooke was a diabolical, devious, cruel, conniving bitch but this was a new low even for her.

"Come on let's get out of here." Jacob whispered I couldn't say anything, the state of shock I was in I didn't say anything, I couldn't. All I wanted to do was leave, as he held my hand he led me out, Brooke Bailey was about to dump pig fat on me.
Brooke Bailey was about to dump freaking pig fat on me!!!

And that statement rang inside my head over and over and over again. I barely made out where I was or even how I got there.

The cool breeze blew right through my dress and it gently caressed my skin which made me snap out of the mantra I had established that Brooke Bailey was going to dump pig fat on me. I bowed my head to one side, closing lashes weighed down with mascara to keep out the salty sting. We had made it to the roof top which gave a beautiful view of Garfield Prep especially at night, with the air out here I felt I could breathe. I looked at Jacob cause I realized I wasn't here alone. He was cautiously watching me and I looked down and to see that our hands were still linked together and I forcefully pulled mine away. The shock had settled in but the anger began to flare. He looked at me with the most convincing perplexed look on his face.

"You bastard, you knew she was going to that and you waited this long." I took a step back away from him and I looked at him with my most disgusted look.

"What!? Fuck no I just found out, you really think I would let her do that?" He looked kind of hurt.

"Well I wouldn't put past you." I spat . "I mean for goodness sake she was going to dump pig fat on me." I finally said it out loud and it made me even furious.