Delusional Love

Chapter 17: Christian

"So? What you think?" Noah grinned, arms raised as if the room was something special. He nodded respectfully although didn't seem to have the same enthusiasm.

"It's..nice." He stopped at the sight of the large Jesus pinned up in the very front of the church. That was what that was right? Jesus? Not the other one?

"Thanks!" Noah chatted happily, guiding them to the stage. He popped his butt up and invited Christian to sit with him. He stared, wandering over. "So what'd you really think?"

Christian shrugged, a little suprised he'd managed to read into that. The guy didn't look like he read much of anything to be honest.

"It's kinda crazy to me I guess. Believing in all this. I..I don't really get it."

Noah nodded, understanding. "Yeah I mean, I've had my own doubts. Things happen. It gets rough to always be faithful, you know?" Christian looked away, unsure how to respond. His mind reflectively thought back to the fucked up coinsidence that was his life. "Anyway. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure. Yeah."

"What's it to you?" Christian stared, hesitating for some reason as he met the guys eyes. He then looked up to the stutue of the man himself. Noah grinned, almost laughing. "You can be honest."

"Idealistic, naive bullshit. That's what it is."

"..idealistic?" Christian glanced over, not really thinking about it. It took him a second to notice Noah's confusement.

"It paints a pretty picture is what I mean. But that doesn't mean it's real."

"Oh." Noah awed, as if he was suddenly making sense. He mulled the words over for a second but seemed to swallow it a lot easier then Christian had expected. "So what?"

Christian shook his head in response, not sure what that meant. Noah helpfully added on. "So what if it's not real?"

"Well..your into this shit aren't you? Don't you think it is?"

"Yeah I do. But it's not like I can't be wrong. You could be right, this could be all for nothing. We did really come from monkeys and heaven is a lie I mean all that makes a lot more sense, right? But..what does sense get you? I mean does knowing your right, that there's nothing to look forward to. Does that make you feel any better?"

Christian stared, knowing the response he was meant to give. Yet he spoke truthfully as he replied "No. Not really."

"Well that's what God does for me. And all the people that come and read and pray. Good people. Most of them anyway. Just trying like anyone else. All this-" He gestured widely to the crosses and paintings. "It's all just..I don't know. It gives people something. I..I cant explain it, my dad does a lot better job. But it feels good. Even if it's bullshit."

They sat for a moment as Christian thought. He guessed that made sense. It was about faith, pure and simple.

Devoting yourself to the impossible seemed ridiculous to him. Even if he existed, how cruel of a bastard he had to be. All the shit he supposedly allowed to happen. All the deaths and the evil. That was his plan?

"Christian." He looked to Noah, pulled from thought. He made a habit of saying his name correctly, claiming he liked the sound of it. Christian obviously didn't mind.

"Why'd you come? I know I asked but you coulda just said no. Your allowed to be uncomfortable, I'd have got it. But you came."

"..life is a bitch, I guess. I think I wanted something. Something..like you said. Something to live for."

Otherwise I have nothing

He held that last bit back, not wanting to scare the guy. Noah smiled happily, not bothering to hide it. He froze at the hand that was now pressed to his chest.