“Everyone has a weapon to shield their souls away from pain and from others who could see their brokenness. Whether it be popularity or anxiety, sports or books, everyone has a weapon.”
34| thankful
Thanksgiving preparations go on all day. Mom roasts turkey and makes mashed potatoes, and Sam and I keep stealing food from the kitchen. I find myself watching movies with my brother. Mom will call us for dinner anytime now.
“Oliver Carlson, huh?” Sam says, sitting there with his guitar.
“Shut up,” I say as I munch on my pre-dinner chips.
“You have other things going on in your life, don’t you?” Sam asks me.
I don’t. I have nothing going on in my life.
“Like?” I say, breaking a chip in half, then eating them at the same time.
“What happened to your music?” Sam says. “You still play?”
“I give Oliver guitar lessons,” I say, and my cheeks heat up.
Sam raises an eyebrow. “Really?”
“Yeah,” I say. “I taught him the chords.”
Sam chuckles and shakes his head. A moment later he asks a difficult question that I have no answer to.
“Are you okay?” Sam says.
I don’t know.
Everything that I went through when Sam wasn’t here maybe changed me a little. Life goes on and it drags you on with it. It won’t stop for you, no matter what happens.
“Why are you asking?” I say. “Do I not look okay?”
“I don’t know. Looking okay and actually being okay is not the same thing, Gwen,” Sam says, looking at his guitar. “It just seems like you have grown up suddenly.”
“I am sixteen going on seventeen,” I say. “What do you expect?”
“You know what I mean. It’s not about age.”
I know what he means.
“I am fine,” I say and shrug. Sam sighs.
I would never tell him. I can’t. I don’t think I will tell anyone. I have learned my lesson.
At that moment, Mom calls us. “Gwen, Sam, come down for dinner.”
I look at my brother as we leave his room and head downstairs.
The truth is, once you get used to not having someone, you replace them with someone or something else. A void doesn’t always stay void. It fills up one way or another. It never is the same. But you find ways to cope, maybe in some other ways.
*****
“...Sing that song,” Mom suggests. Sam makes a face.
We are in the backyard. Sam is sitting there with his guitar. Mom and Dad are in garden chairs. I am sitting on the back porch with my guitar.
We had our Thanksgiving feast, and now it’s time for backyard acapella.
Sam might be so passionate about music, but he never sings. He mostly writes songs and comes up with tunes on his acoustic guitar. His friends do the singing. So, every time Mom suggests a song, Sam finds an excuse not to sing it.
YOU ARE READING
floating | ✓
RomanceGwen Bradbury has seen the end. Gwen Bradbury has learned fighting again. ****** Gwen Bradbury's life is torture to her. She is floating above everyone else. Her existence is like a void, eating her up fr...
