Why We Broke Up || YeonBin

Letter #22

There was a point in my life when all I had ever known was darkness.

I was trapped there in a really long time and I was pretty sure I would stay there. I had managed to leave home and runaway but I was still lost. It surely felt like I was a lone ranger wandering in a vast field that I never heard of. Blindly trying to find my way out, desperately searching for an escape but I was tied down. At least, that was what it felt like.

It took me quite a while to stand on my own feet. And it also took a while for me to learn how to trust because I was so used to people lying to my face. Practically lived my whole life with people who were constantly wearing a mask that I failed to differentiate what is real and what is not.

And then I think it was about five months in before I learned what it felt like to feel warmth inside a household because Mr. and Mrs. Choi, my 'parents' I introduced you to were kind enough to take me in under their care and they were really, really patient with me. They didn't pressure me to talk about where I came from and never once did they make me feel like I was an outsider. They took care of me like their own child and it was unfortunate to find out that they couldn't conceive one of their own because they're just so natural in it, you know? And I will be forever grateful to them. It was because of them that I realized not every family is as fucked up as mine. They showed me that someone could genuinely care and they gave me the love and attention I craved from my biological parents to the point that they are more of a parent to me than my own one could ever be.

I will forever be indebted to them for changing my perception in life.

And fuck, hyung. All they ever did was genuinely love me and care for me and they don't—

I don't deserve them, Yeonjun hyung.

And they certainly do not deserve this.

It hurts so much and I'm so fucking enraged and I'm really sorry for my barely legible writing because I'm shaking so much and I can't stop crying. I love them so much, hyung, they don't deserve this and I fucking swear I'll give them justice.

I hate that bastard I have for a father.

How dare he touch my dad. How dare he take away the family he failed to give me. How dare he ruin everything for me I hate him so much I despise him with every fiber of my being. How could I be related to a fucking monster like him? If only I could claw my DNA out of my system so I'll finally be free from our sickening biological connection, I will.

I resent him so much he's a disgusting son of a bitch along with his men and all those stupid fucking assholes he work with I hate them I loathe every single one of them and I want to do to them what they did to the only family I ever had. How could they do this? How could they be this heartless?

I am burning with so much anger right now that can't think straight I want to fucking kill him and every single one of them but I know mom and dad wouldn't want me to turn out like them. I know they won't want me to take such measures because they're angels like that, compared to this devil incarnate who's probably not even feeling any ounce of remorse as he drinks his fucking brandy in his office.

God, hyung, I'm so sorry for having this kind of thoughts in my mind right now but it's just— mom and dad do not deserve such, such cruel actions to be done to them. And to think that it was partly because of me? Fuck. If I had known this would happen I never would've taken a step foot inside their home to save them.

Hyung I love them so much I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know how the fuck old man found them and how the fuck they knew of them.

And I think I'm going fucking crazy hyung because I'm so worried about you and what if they pull something like that again because I'm so stupid? Fuck, baby, I don't know what the hell I would do if they so much as touch a strand in your hair. No, I won't even know what I'll fucking do if they even go close to your shadow.

I'll never forgive them for this. I hate them so much.

And Yeonjun hyung please just be safe, fuck. I'll make sure you are. I can't lose you too. You're the only one I have left. And so God, help me, I'll fucking kill him if he dares get to you.