03. growing old

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Later that night, I lay in bed reading a book. Well, not really reading it, more like holding it in my hands as I stared at the wall, deep in thought. 

Clarke had just delivered the news to the rest of camp that radiation was about to soak the earth we lived on. She promised that we would find a way to make it through this, and that way was by fortifying the Ark. But what she failed to mention was that only a hundred of us would get the luxury of calling the Ark home for the next five years. The rest of us, well we were probably going to die. 

"Penny for your thoughts?" Bellamy asked, startling me out of my trance. I had barely even heard him enter the room. 

I watched as he peeled off his jacket and boots, flopping down into the bed next to me with an exhausted sigh. 

I gave him a small smile as I shrugged, setting the book onto my lap. "Just thinking about what's going to happen." I admitted. 

Bellamy took a hold of my hand, lightly kissing my knuckles. "Try not to worry about it. At least not for tonight."

"I know." I sighed. "I just-I'm just glad I'm not Clarke." 

It had been decided that Clarke was to make a list with one hundred names. Those hundred names would be the people who would be able to stay in the Ark for the next five years. It was perhaps the most difficult task that could have been given, and I felt horrible knowing she had to make those decisions. 

Bellamy was quiet for a moment, his hand still holding onto mine as he spoke. "I asked Clarke not to include me on the list." he admitted. "I'm not going to take one of the spots."

A sad smile came to my face as I nodded. By the look on Bellamy's face, I could tell that was not the reaction he was expecting.

"I knew you would say that." I answered, giving his hand a quick squeeze. "That's why I told her the same thing."

His eyes widened as he sat up so he could look directly at me. "Avery-"

I shook my head, cutting him off. "I am not living in a world without you Bellamy. If you're going to die because you're not inside this ship when everything hits, then so am I."

I could tell that he wanted to argue with me, to try and convince me that I needed to be on that list, but I could also tell that he knew he wasn't going to win. So with an exasperate sigh, he changed the subject. 

"Do you think I was stupid for what I did today?" he questioned, his eyes revealing vulnerability. 

It was my turn to lightly kiss his hands. "No." I admitted. "I think you did what you thought was right. And who knows if it really was, but it was the best choice for you, and that's all that matters."

"Raven's pissed at me." He pointed out, conflict hidden behind his eyes. 

I looked over at him, using my free hand to cup his face. "You're a great man, Bellamy. Today just proved that even more. I know the decision you made was hard, and that not everyone agrees with what you did, but it proves the kind of person you are."

He nodded, seeming to mull over my words for a moment. With the prolonged silence, I spoke again, this time bringing up a rather unspoken topic. 

"You would be a great father." I admitted, breaching the topic for the first time in our relationship. "I saw you with that little girl today and I swear I fell more in love with you than I already was."

Images of what it would be like to raise a family with Bellamy flashed through my mind, and it seemed to be everything I ever wanted.

Bellamy's cheeks flushed slightly as he have a small shake of his head. "She was scared, I was just trying to make her feel better."

I smiled, amused by the way he tried to play off the compliment. "I wish we could have kids together." I whispered, suddenly hit by the fact that if we weren't going to be safe when the radiation hit, then we would never have the chance to do everything I wanted to do with him. "And I wish we could grow old together. That I could watch your hair turn grey and wrinkles form on your face. That we could spend our days doing whatever we wanted together, no more obligations to fight and try to save the world."

Bellamy pulled me closer to him, pressing a light kiss to my forehead. "I wish I could see you become a mom." he murmured. "You would be a great mom to little Bellamy Junior."

I let out a quiet laugh, burying my head into the nape of his neck. "We are not naming our child Bellamy Junior." I asserted, trying to fight the large smile that grew on my face. 

He let out a small chuckle before quieting for a moment. "As for the growing old," He started, lightly tracing shapes onto my arm, "I can't promise that we'll get that, but I can promise that everyday we have together, I'll love you with everything I have."

Tears threatened to spill from my eyes, but I fought them back. I didn't want to be sad...not yet at least. 

Seeming to note my change in demeanour, Bellamy fought to bring light to the situation once again. So of course he did it in the most Bellamy way possible.

"You know...even if we can't have kids together, because of the whole dying from radiation thing-"

"-Right." I grinned, pulling away to look up at him.

"Doesn't mean we can't practice." he smirked, a suggestive look covering his face. He grabbed the book off of my lap, throwing it onto the ground before pulling me on top of him. 

I let out a loud laugh as I smacked his chest. "Shut up." I giggled, shaking my head as he held onto me. "Weren't you the one who told me I needed rest?"

Bellamy flipped us once again, this time so that he was hovering overtop of me. I felt butterflies erupt in my stomach as he smirked once again, slowly lowering himself to press a kiss onto my lips. 

"Avery...we can rest when we're dead."

-an-

okay, this was a filler chapter but I still love it! i am so glad to be able to write bellamy and aves together once again...i missed them!!

hope you all liked this chapter :)

love you all

-maddy xoxo

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