The Christmas Party

It's the Best Time of the Year

My heart hammered in my chest as I pulled open the door to the Starbucks around the corner from my apartment. Cold winter air rushed in with me, as if urging me to the counter.

Come on Louise. You can do this. You've asked out tons of girls in your twenty-eight years of life. You can do this!

I took a deep breath and grabbed my coffee. "Thanks for the coffee, Liv." I said with a cheery smile.

The brown-eyed barista who always worked when I needed coffee smiled at me. "I made it special for you."

I laughed nervously, but Liv thought nothing of it and turned back to the espresso machine. I watched her work, pulling a shot that she quickly poured into a green and red cup.

"Have a good day," I said.

"Thanks, you too!" Liv said in that same cheery voice. She was always so happy. Was I misinterpreting her friendliness as nothing more than a chipper customer service attitude? Oh God, was she just nice to me because she had to be, not because I was a regular?

I flushed and turned on my heels to flee this Starbucks and never return. My hand paused on the door handle as I pictured Monica's snide remark if I didn't have a date to the Christmas party. I grit my teeth, took a deep breath, and walked purposefully back to the counter.

"Hey, Liv, I have a huge favor to ask."

She poured milky foam in the cup and called out a name. "Sure, what up? Need another coffee?"

"Not exactly. It's a long story, but basically I need a date to this company holiday party." Liv blinked. My heart hammered in my chest. Was it hot on this Starbucks? They really needed to turn down the heater. I should leave. This was a horrible idea. Terrible. "So, I was, uh, wondering if you were, uh, free on the 18th this month? It's a free dinner and drinks. You just have to pretend to be my girlfriend. But like, that's it. Nothing else."

Liv looked at me curiously for a moment, then smiled. "I would love to go with you," Liv said and I felt all of my worries disappear. "But I can't. I'll be out of the country with my family. We're actually leaving on the 17th."

"Oh." I deflated like a pathetic balloon. Asking a literal strangers that made me coffee was my last option and even that had failed. I sincerely hoped that Luca or Thea came through with a date. I forced a smile on my face. "That's okay. I figured it was worth a shot. Thanks again for the coffee."

"Sorry! I hope you find someone to go with you. And I definitely need a back story to this!"

"I'll come in early tomorrow and explain the debacle." I hopped in my car and let my head fall on the steering wheel. "What the hell am I gonna do?"

I dragged myself to work and texted Luca.

Me: Please beg one of your coworkers to be my date. Or a cousin. I'll pay them. I don't care. The cute barista rejected me too. SOS.

Luca: All of my cousins live on the West coast, remember?

Me: Then ask your co-workers! I'll grade for them! I'll clean their classrooms! I don't care. Please. I'm desperate.

Luca: LOL I'll ask around, stay tuned. If not maybe a hot single mama will be your date.

Me: I'll pay for the babysitter. PLEASE HELP ME.

Luca: ;)

I tried to focus on work, I really did, but it felt impossible with the anxiety looming over my shoulder. What was I actually going to do if this didn't work out? Could I lie and say we broke up? That might work until New Years, but then the parties would start again and I'd have no excuse to ditch. Could I ask my sister? Did we look different enough to pass as girlfriends? I wondered if my cousins would do it. What if Monica asked us to kiss though? That would be weird, why would she even ask that? What if there was mistletoe? We would have to kiss. Okay maybe no relatives.

"Jesus Christ," I exclaimed when I noticed Monica leaning over my desk. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Distracted?" She asked with a smirk.

"What? No! Just thinking."

"About?"

"Work."

"Huh."

"Did you need something?" Monica handed me the mini flyer she made for the holiday party. We worked at a design company and somehow Monica made the flyer look atrocious. "Thanks."

"I'll see you and . . . ?" Monica asked.

"Yes, we will be there. Excuse me, I need to make a call." I picked up my phone and called a client. I saw Jim grinning at me from his desk. "She's real." I said to him. He laughed again.

When I left work that day, I was in a full blown panic, so I did the only logical thing when I had no idea what to do: I called my mom.

FaceTime rang a few times before my mom answered.

"Hi sweetheart, how are you?" my mom said when she answered the phone.

"Mom, I can't see you. The phone is too close to your face."

"Oh well hang on sweetie. I just can't—" My mom pulled her camera away from her face and she blinked at the screen. "Well I just can't see you now can I? I can't find my damned glasses so I have to hold everything up close to read. You wouldn't understand with your young eyes."

"Mom I wear glasses."

"Well wait until you're my age!"

"Mom, your glasses are on your head."

My mom patted the top of her head. "Well I'll be damned they there are." She put her glasses on. "Well look at that! I can see you now."

"It's a Christmas miracle," I muttered.

"Well alright smartass. How are you? You never call your mother anymore. Do you not love us anymore?"

"Mom I literally spent five days with you last week at Thanksgiving."

"But you never call."

"Oh my God, mom."

"Your sister calls me every day you know? She obviously loves me more."

"She calls you to tell you what she ate for lunch." My mom gave me a look. "Okay mom. I'll call you more. You know I love you."

"Oh I love you too Sweetheart. So how are you? How is Luca?"

"Luca is good. I'm—well I've been better. I need advice."

"Well you've come to the right place. I have years and years of experience. Now is this about a girl? I can't give you great advice, because you know I married your father, but I might be able to help. You know I dabbled a bit in college and—"

"Oh my God mother! No. No. Stop. I don't need that kind of advice."

"I'm just saying that if you—"

"Thank you mom! Moving on."

"Okay, okay I'm listening honey." I explained my predicament to my mom. "Well you have really mucked this one up haven't you?"

"Thanks for reminding me. What do I do?"

"Well honey that's a tough one. And you've asked everyone?"

"Yeah, I've asked all my friends, all of Lucas's friends, the barista at Starbucks. I'm out of options."

"Explain to me why you can't just say your girlfriend couldn't make it and you go without her?"

"Because Mom! Then she wins!"

"Strange hill to die on, but okay." My mom thought for a moment, mumbling out loud as she did so. "What about . . . No, she'll be out of town. Or I could call . . . Nope, that won't work. Hmmm . . . Have you asked Luca's sister? You've told me before you think she's hot. Ask her."

"Mom! I swear to God! Never repeat that! Especially not in front of her."

"Well I'm sorry I didn't know I wasn't allowed to bring that up." I passed a hand over my face in exasperation. "You tell your mother a girl is hot and you'd think you'd want to talk about it, you know, like how your sister talks to me about boys I thought we could talk about girls."

"I, under no circumstances, want to talk about Thea. Ever."

"Jeez you think I'd killed the Pope or something. Sheesh."

"You're killing me, Mom."

"Speaking of Thea, did you invite them over for Christmas yet?"

"Yes Mom. Remember when I told you they couldn't come over for Thanksgiving so you made me invite them to Christmas?"

"Well did you?"

"You were there when I did."

"Well I can't remember these things."

I sighed and wondered why I thought it would be a good idea to ask my mom for fake dating advice.

"So you're going to ask Thea to be your fake girlfriend for the night? You two would be very cute together, you know."

"Oh my God, Mom. You have to stop. When they come over for Christmas you cannot, under any circumstances, mention that I said Thea was hot—one time."

"She's not a lesbian right? Why can't she know? I bet she'd love the compliment."

"Okay great talk Mom. I love you, bye!"

"Are you going to ask Thea to be your date?" My mom was saying as I hung up on her. She tried to call me back and I ignored her, so she barraged me with texts, that I also ignored. This was an absolute disaster.