Alice Avery
I went home and was accompanied with another sleepless night. The image of Ricky's scarred wrists flashed through my head every time I shut my eyes. Although I didn't 100% know what happened, my mind when to the worst possible thing. Self harm. I shouldn't care as much as I do, I didn't know Ricky that well, never mind knowing if he had experience with things such a suicide. A part of me didn't want to know.
"Alice, you ready?" Theo walks into my room to call me out for the race. I knew once I saw Ricky I'd look at him differently, how couldn't I? I wondered if Theo knew anything about it, or Nico, or Link, or anyone.
"Uh yeah let's go." With the life I've lived Theo always questioned my mental state. I'd fall into a deep depression and Theo would fear I'd hurt myself, but I never did. I was like a robot, someone who couldn't really feel anything, but when I saw Ricky's arm; I had so many emotions invade my head. I was concerned for him, upset. I wanted to help him.
When we arrived at the race, Trent and Ricky were all ready to go. Ricky looked normal, the way he always is but I just keep seeing the image of his scars. I hated that, I hated that my entire perspective changed but I couldn't help it. Trent and Ricky were set on their way and I slumped myself over the the finish line as everyone waited to see the winner drive through. The two of them were some of the very best street racers in Vegas. It's be close but my bet was on Ricky.
In a matter of minutes, the two cars came barreling down the road at full speed. The crowd watched intensely, from the far distance I saw what looked like Trent in the lead. I began picking at the skin around my nails, Ricky would be in a lifetime snit if he lost this race. I closed my eyes as the cars neared. I felt a heavy wave of wind whip by me, I opened my eyes and saw a crowd gathered around Ricky's car. He climbed out with a smirk on his face and I let out a sigh of relief, he won.
I approached him after the crowd descended, there was a party at Razzle's that everyone seemed eager to get to. "I told ya you didn't have anything to worry about." Ricky brags to me.
"I admit, it was a good race." I say with my hands stuffed in my jean pockets.
He looks at me with a sense of the confusion, "What's going on with you?"
My body language spoke louder than I did. I debated the options of either asking him about it or keeping quiet. It's none of my business but something told me it would be later on. We were the only two left at the lane so I took my chances. I grabbed his arm and rolled up the sleeve on his leather jacket. I ran my thumb over the few scars and looked back up to him.
"You don't have to let me in if you don't want to."
He snatched his arm way from me and pulled his sleeve back down. He started at me with disapproval, he got extremely defensive. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
I didn't know how to respond, had I overthought this? "What are those from?"
He hesitates, "I was in a police chase a while back, few German shepherds attacked me." He sounded like he's trying to convince himself that it's a good cover, I didn't believe him.
"Ricky..."
"Drop it Alice, I'm not a cutter."
I communicated with him through my eyes, he appeared defeated and uncomfortable. I wasn't good at this type of thing, normally I'd just find myself walking away from a subject like this. It was different with Ricky, I wanted to make sure he was okay.
"Believe it or not I care about you so," I sucked in a sharp breath, my heart ached at his shiny eyes. "I'm here if you need me."
He looked at me with such heavy uncertainty. I could see right through him, all the arrogance and tough persona; he was crumbling on the inside.
"Stay out of my business, I'm none of your concern."
I let out a sigh, I'm not sure why I thought he'd confide in me, yet I understand why he didn't.
"I have to go," he dismisses quickly and speeds away from the lane; leaving me there in a tornado of dust.
I decided to just head back home and skip out on Razzle's party. I was disappointed in myself. I slouched myself on the living room couch and forced myself to watch the boring film displayed on the TV. Theo was at Razzle's place so I had the apartment to myself.
A sudden knock on the door alarmed me and I groaned as I stood up to open it. Expecting Mandy or Nico, I was surprised with Link standing on the opposite side of the door
"Theo isn't here," I say and try to shut the door but he jams his foot in between the door and wall.
"I'm not here for Theo, I'm here for you."
I opened the door slightly, "I'm not having sex with you."
"I'm not here for that either," he rolls his eyes with a scoff. "Would you let me in?"
I left the door open for him and set myself back on the sofa. He walked into the kitchen, "Yeah help yourself why don't you."
"Wanna beer?"
"Sure," I sigh and he sits on the opposite side of the couch. He pops the caps open and we clink our bottles together. "What could you possibly need me for?" I get straight into questions. I hadn't seen Link for almost a month.
"Why aren't you at Razzle's tonight?" Link changes the subject and my eyes roll.
"Felt like a night to myself, is that such a crime?"
"Course not. But Ricky had a face full of coke and a downed vodka bottle when he walked through Razzle's door. Ricky doesn't celebrate like that, he breaks down like that. You were the last one to see him before he came to the party so, mind telling me what the fuck happened?"
"Nothing you need to worry about." I immediately answer, I don't trust him.
"What happened between you two?" He pushes and tilts his head to the side curiously.
"You know I don't trust you right?" I made it clear to him that he's on my bad side.
"I don't care," he says bluntly. "I've known Ricky for over a decade, he trusts me. I've never seen him act like that before.What happened?"
I was almost going to vent but then I remembered who I was talking to. Even if Link was telling me the truth and looking out for Ricky, I still wouldn't exploit him like that.
"Nothing you need to worry about." I repeat and he lets out a huff full of frustration.
"I'm trying to look out for him y-"
"So am I," I cut him off. "You're welcome to leave now." I gesture my hand towards the door and catch a glimpse of his clenched jaw. He stood to his feet and left dramatically. Link was a sneaky guy, someone who only thought for himself. Ricky was a closed off person, he seemed that way even towards his friends. They didn't know about his mother, I doubt they'd have a clue about this.
A/N
Hi everyone! I know these past few months have been very tough for everyone due to the pandemic that resulted in a great deal of quarantine. This is an impossible situation for all of us and the best thing we can do it be there for one another. My private messages are always open to those who are feeling down and just need a little more love. This is a safe place for everybody, be kind to one another. You guys mean the world to me, lots of love!! <3
