I sat at work drumming my fingers on my desk and obsessively checking my text messages. So far, Luca told me that the one coworker he'd been comfortable asking said no and he was definitely joking about asking a parent, even though I begged him to ask someone else.
I asked about Thea's coworkers. Luca said she probably wasn't going to ask and only said yes to appease me. I was outraged, so I texted her.
Me: Any luck with asking one of your coworkers to go with me?
I had to wait a few hours until she replied, but about 2pm she finally got back to me.
Thea: You're still on this?
Me: I would never joke about something so serious.
Thea: Wow.
Me: So?
Thea: I'll be honest: I didn't ask anyone and I'm not going to.
Me: WHY?!
Thea: Because it's weird and I'm not going to make myself look bad at my firm to help you.
Me: I thought we were friends...
Thea: I keep telling you that you're friends with my brother and the only reason we hang out is because you insist on hanging out at my apartment.
Me: Rude.
Thea: Good luck.
Me: Seriously?? That's it??
Thea: I gotta go lunch is over.
Me: That was the shortest lunch break in the history of lunch breaks.
Thea: Ha. This was one of my longer ones.
Me: :( Fine. Have a good day at work.
There it was: I'd struck out. No one wanted to be my fake girlfriend and Monica was going to win.
"It's fucking Christmas," I muttered under my breath. "Aren't people supposed to be charitable?"
"Did you say something?" Jim asked.
"What? Oh no, sorry. Just talking to myself."
"Huh."
I smiled at Jim then returned to my computer. I stared blankly at the screen. My brain shut off. I guess I was giving up and admitting defeat. Or it was time to download Bumble. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I unlocked my phone and was brought back to Thea's messages. I stared at her contact photo for a few seconds. I swallowed and decided that maybe my mom was right: it was time to ask Thea.
It was risky; truly it was: I didn't know if Thea would throw me out or ban me from the apartment or laugh at me when I asked her—these were all very viable options. Thea had a temper but she also had a sense of humor. God, now I was overanalyzing my best friend's sister.
I took a deep breath.
Focus, Lou. Focus. You know a lot about Thea. Stuff you've unintentionally learned over the years, but stuff you know none the less.
The likelihood that she would be mad at me for asking? About 40 percent. The likelihood of her laughing at me? 50 percent. The likelihood of her throwing me out? Probably nine percent. That left a one percent chance of her saying yes to me. I guess that one percent was still better than the zero percent chance I had of finding someone else.
Alright, game plan. Let's go!
After work I stopped at a florist and picked out a bouquet of Thea's favorite flowers mixed. Then I stopped in the store to buy a box of chocolates and hot chocolate and plucked a bottle of Thea's favorite wine from the shelf. I walked through the store looking down every aisle. Was I missing anything else?
I snatched a Starbucks gift card right before the cashier finished ringing me up. This had to work.
When I showed up at Luca's doorstep, he laughed at me.
"What the—"
"They're for your sister."
"Excuse me?"
"Luca I have literally no one else to ask since you wouldn't ask any of the single moms at your school. Thea is literally the last girl I can ask before I have to venture into the dating app world and I'm honestly not ready for that." Luca eyed me and crossed his arms as he leaned against his door frame. "Do you think she'll say yes?" I asked hopelessly. Luca plucked the bottle of wine from my hand and inspected it.
"If she says no after you give her this bottle of wine you had no chance."
I grinned and clutched onto that glimmer of hope. I put Thea's bribe on the table and settled onto the couch with a glass of wine while we waited for Thea to come home. I obsessively checked the time until it was five thirty, then I obsessively looked to the door, my heart in my throat.
"Calm down," Luca said.
The moment I heard the lock jiggle, I jumped to my feet and rushed to the kitchen to grab her my bribe. Thea kicked off her shoes with a loud sigh and untangled her scarf. When I approached her with my arms full of her favorite things, she was pulling her tucked-in shirt out of her slacks.
Thea did a double-take when she noticed me. "Hi?"
"Hi."
"What's all this?"
"I have a favor to ask."
Thea narrowed her eyes. "What is it that you want?
I offered her all of my gifts, then with my best puppy dog eyes and sweetest smile I asked, "Will you please go to my company Christmas party with me?"
Thea blinked. "No."
"What?" I asked crestfallen. "Why not?"
"Because I don't want to."
"Thea, please!"
"No."
"Thea, please, it's Christmas!"
"You're still talking about this?"
"Thea there are only two weeks until the party! Monica is growing smugger by the second! Please! I'm desperate."
"I'm your 'desperate' option, huh?"
I looked to Luca for help; there was no way for me to get out of this one unscathed. He shrugged. Thea looked at me with her eyebrow raised while the gears in my brain turned, trying to come up with a plausible argument that didn't involve me putting my foot in my mouth.
"Free dinner on my rich boss and endless booze."
Thea' quirked her eyebrow. Impossibly, I was making progress.
"Please, I'll do anything."
"Be careful what you promise.""I'm serious! I'll do anything! Please don't make me go alone and listen to Monica gloat all night. I'll bring you coffee, I'll drive you to work, I'll do your laundry,."
"Hmmmm."
"I'll even watch all of the shitty Christmas movies with you and bring hot chocolate and make mulled wine!"
Thea chewed her lip in thought.
"I am literally begging you," I said, dropping to my knees and clasping my hands together. "Please, Thea!"
"Okay, fine."
I jumped up and wrapped Thea in a bear hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!"
"Okay, okay. You're crushing me. Get off."
I pulled away and gave her a big kiss on the cheek which she immediately wiped off. "You're literally a saint. I owe you. Literally anything."
"I have a list of demands."
"Here comes the lawyer," Luca muttered.
"Name it, you got it," I said.
Thea put up one finger. "You have to do all the Christmas shopping with me."
"Done!" I said quickly.
"You have to bring me coffee every morning for the next two weeks."
"Done!"
Thea raised her eyebrow and was assessing just how much she could get away with. She glanced at Luca. "Are you going to come ice skating with me this year?"
"Absolutely not. I told you I will never touch a pair of ice skates again."
Thea looked at me again. "You have to go ice skating with me."
"Okay, okay fine. Anything else?"
"And you have to watch any Christmas movie I want when you're over."
"Easy."
"And make me mulled wine."
"Done."
"I'll let you know if I think of anything. I reserve the right to add on to my list of demands."
"Deal!" I stuck out my hand and Thea shook it.
"I don't think you should have agreed to that," Luca said from the couch.
"No one asked you," I retorted. "Hey Thea, can we take a couple of pictures for like, my phone background, so Monica will actually believe we're dating?"
She sighed but agreed. "Fine."
We sat on the couch with a glass of wine in our hands and I leaned in close with a huge grin on my face. I snapped the picture and changed my phone background to a picture of us. "There. Irrefutable proof I have a girlfriend. Ha! Take that Monica."
"Fake girlfriend."
"Fake girlfriend," I agreed.
Thea finished her wine then stretched. "I'm going to bed everyone. It's been a shitty week."
"No dinner?" Luca asked.
"I ate at work."
Luca frowned but didn't comment.
"Louise," Thea said, turning back to me. "I'll pick you up tomorrow at eight."
"What?"
"We're going shopping."
YOU ARE READING
The Christmas Party
RomanceLouise has been lying about having a girlfriend to avoid hanging out with her coworkers outside of work hours. This lie has worked flawlessly until Louise is forced to attend the company Christmas party and everyone is expecting to meet her girlfrie...