𝔹𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝔹𝕒𝕣𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕣𝕤

𝕗𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕥𝕖𝕖𝕟

    I guess I wasn't as quiet as I hoped I was, because a few moments later, there was a gentle knock on my door. I assumed that it was Medda, and I did not want her to see me like this, so I didn't move from my spot on the bed. The knocking came again, louder this time, and I realized that I wasn't getting out of this one. Fuck, she's gonna realize how fucked up I am and she's gonna ship me away! Biting my lip, I go to open the door. Sure enough, Medda was standing in the hallway with a concerned look on her face.

    "Can I come in sweetie?" I don't really have a choice in the matter, so I nod and move out of the way. She sits on my bed and motions for me to sit next to her. I sit on the opposite side of the bed. "Are you alright? I could hear you taking out your anger from down the hall." I tensed up. "You're not in trouble! Don't worry! I just wanted to check in on you and help if I can." Turning away, I force back tears. I can't cry in front of her. Not yet. Medda places a comforting hand on my back, quickly removing it when I flinch. "It's okay, I'm not gonna hurt you baby." Yeah, right. "Do you want to share what's wrong? You don't have to if you don't want to." When I finally look at her, her face is genuine. I take a few deep breaths, turning my head to look at the floor. Do I really wanna spill my guts to her? I've only been here a few days. I bring my legs to my chest, burying my face in my knees. "I'm here to help, not hurt. Please tell me what I need to do to help you." She sounded like she meant it, but I was still debating it. It was as if the voices in my head were having a war, and there was no sign of which side would win.

    Before I can stop myself, I let out a sob. Then another one. And another. The work I was putting in to prevent the tears from falling was useless, as they started to stream down my face like a waterfall. I can't stop them. Medda scoots closer but still keeps her space. 

    "It's okay...let it out..." she attempts to comfort me without getting too close. Her words don't help. "Are you okay with me touching you? I'm better at consoling people that way, and I have no intention to hurt you." My body acts before my brain can tell it to stop, and the next thing I know, I'm wrapped in an embrace. "See?" She says as she rubs circles on my back. "I don't wanna hurt you, honey." My brain is screaming danger, but my body doesn't move. 

    Despite the voices in my head yelling at me, the touch is comforting. Before I know it, the tears are controllable, and I pull away. There's a huge wet spot on her shirt from my tears. "S-sorry..." I wipe my face.

    "Don't apologize for being human, Antonio. Crying is normal, and it's healthy."

    "I...I just..."

    And there I am, venting to the woman that I've only known for a few days. Once again, my brain is yelling at me to stop, but my mouth just keeps going. What the hell happened? Just this morning I was trying to stay away from her, and now I'm crying in her arms and telling her my damn life story? I finally regain control and stop venting. "I'm sorry, you don't need to know all that..."

    She shakes her head. "Again, don't apologize. If you need someone to vent to, I'm here. So are Jack and Charlie." 

    I swallow. "Thank you Medda..."

    She nods. "Of course, Toni." 

    The nickname makes me want to cry again. The only person who called me Toni was my mom. I muster the energy to smile at Medda before she leaves. Staring at the floor, thoughts swarm through my head at 1000 miles per hour. I run my hands through my hair, contemplating if I made the right decision. I've never vented to anyone before, except for that one cop. But I still hid some things from her. I told Medda my goddamn life story. I really hope I didn't fuck up this one.