LOSIN' MY MIND|| POLO G

four🖤

one year later, june 7 2019

nylasia🧸

i was sitting in my room, headphones in listening to tremani's new album, checking my grades as my first year of uni finished.

i'm currently doing modelling as well as going to school for interior designing.

i felt tears flood down on my face as one specific song played. picture this.

i remember a couple weeks before graduation it was a routine for wooski, blast, liyah, polo and i to go into the studio i had in my basement.

he started writing the song but just couldn't finish it because he needed more time.

all he had written down and recorded was the chorus.

some of the lyrics hit to where i couldn't contain my tears.

I'm the chosen one, I ain't your average individual

Anything can happen, man, this shit is unpredictable
Won't fall out with my brothers 'cause the love is unconditional

i'm happy he still has blast, wooski, and em by his side.

just a little sad that i couldn't be there as well to celebrate his accomplishments.

i always thought i would be there when he released his first album.

a lot of these songs i've already heard, but he changed them and made them better.

crazy even though we went through what we did, i'll always support him no matter what.

i'll always be his number one girl, even if i'm not physically there.

i want to say it's okay that he left without a word, that the reason he left was for a good reason but deep inside i hate him for what he did.

my heads telling me that the reason has nothing to do with my father, but my hearts telling me that he used me to get what he needed, a place to record his music, plugs, the money.

i keep telling myself that he's not like that, but it makes sense. after he became very big and signed to columbia records and moved out to cali, it's like he didn't forget about where he came from or his people, none of that.

he only forgot about me, maybe that was part of the plan all along...

after that fall out with one of my favourite people, the only people i talk to is my parents and liyah. sad as hell but it is what it is.

i check up on blast, wooski, and some people in the chi once inna while.

other than that, ion talk to nobody. people think i'm mean and nonchalant. but i'm just tired and don't have time to put myself through anymore heartbreak.