Die Arthia

B i l a n g LXXV

What is genuiness? I was never betrayed before so I can't distinguish what is real and not. The only person who betray me is myself. My expectations.

"Where are you going?" Levi asked when he's already infront of me. I look at his crimson eyes that once mesmerized me.

Do I love this person or do I love that he's inlove with me? That finally someone love me?

I look at lady Cecilà as if she'll be able to answer the questions that is running on my head. She just smiled for me like she's cheering for me.

I look again at Levi who's waiting for my answer.

"I want to take a rest." I said in steady.

"You can rest on my--"

"I don't want to see lady Inos." I heard lady Cecilà trying to stop her laughter.

"She'll leave with her father after they have their talk with my mother." He said and grab my elbow. I look at his arms on it then to his face.

Are you going to beg me to stay?

I want to asked that question but something inside me is stopping me to voice it out. I pulled my arms and held my skirt making him look in my hand. The side of his mouth rose, he looks amused.

I turned around before I can read more of his expressions. It's not that Levi isn't showing me facial expressions.. it's that I'm scared to read him.

Something touched my heart. What's stopping me? If I love Levi..can I be with him?

I gasped when I realized my thoughts.

Devils are fighting inside my head. At this moment I don't really know what I want. I need Arthia Laissè not Tia.

"Ihahatid ko na kayo." I did not look back at Levi and enters the kalesa without a do.

"H'wag na prince." I heard lady Cecilà so I look at them through windows. The bug is entering the kalesa. Levi's crimson eyes met mine so I looked away.

"Are you okay?" I just look at the bug and nodded.

So many thoughts are bugging me since that night. Why did I let myself be driven by another desire?  What we did that night is only for people who truly cherish each other. It's a sacred act and.. I desired for it.

I'm a sinful person and I can't deny that. I lived to sin, people live to sin.

Lady Cecilà entered the kalesa with a smile on her face. Hindi ko sya pinansin at tinuon ang pansin sa daan.

There's no sign of Levi behind us, I don't know what lady Cecilà said to him.

"Stop." I said in a low tone,the two heard me so they look at me. My eyes are busy in the huge field of flowers beside the road. "Stop!" I said louder. The kalesa stopped, I went out of the kalesa and the two followed me again. I looked at the huge field of yellow flower which reminds me of the sun. "You two can go back--"

"Sister!" I just looked at the bug. "It's dangerous."

"Did you not hear me?" My eyes wandered on the purple sky like my hair. I wanted to sound mad but my eyes' are too busy.

"Sister there are unnamed monster roaming around the empire and the sun's already setting!" I moved forward to look for an entrance but i'm in a clip.

He's just like Den believing on those absurb rumors.

"I want to be alone." I looked at lady Cecilà, I can't believe i'm asking for her help.

"Theodore let's go first balikan--"

"How dare you?!" The bug asked lady Cecilà, I did not look at them.

"Theodore, you don't want me mad at you." I wanted to yell at him but my voice is too calm.

I think it's one of the things I can't control anymore..

The two became silent.

"Babalik ako." I heard Theodore before hearing steps of horse. I looked down on the clip and sit so I can easily walk down without falling.

My first step, I already saw dirt on my dress, I didn't mind. I want to reach the yellow flowers under the purple sky.

After lots of sweat I am already at the same flat as the flowers. I just notice that the flowers are tall, some are taller than me. I look around amaze. I never seen a flower this tall or I just don't really appreaciate things like this before.

I walk on the path between the tall flowers. Will Den like this?

I stopped when I realized that there's no longer Den behind me when I turn around. Did I really lost her and I feel sorrow?

"I'm fucked up again." I whispered and wipe my tears. The yellow sun and purple sky are fighting above me. I sat on the field and looked up.

It's peaceful but my heart and mind have their own world.

What do I really want?

"I want revenge." I whispered. "I want power that when I stepped on my father he won't be able to throw me on fire without remorse." I hugged my knee as tears fell on my tears.

This time I noticed how young I am.

I should be enjoying my life looking for a possible husband or growing flowers like this..

I feel like my heart soften. What happened?

For a moment, silence did not comfort me at all. Mas lalo lang akong natakot.

I sighed and wipe away my tears. I'm strong alright, I can accomplish what I want. I'm almost there, ngayon pa ba ako lalambot?

Natawa ako at napatingin sa singsing sa kamay ko.

"What is this?"

There's so many things I don't know but i'm still here.

"I feel so lonely." I whispered.

I never been so sentimental in my whole life I really don't know what's happening on my system anymore.

"Lady Cecilà said I'm incapable of love." I laughed. "Now I envy people who are capable of it.. I envy the foreign lady." She claimed proudly that she loves the Duke Ariesè.

I actually intented to remove unecessary feeling but I envy people who has so much to feel? Ironic and pathetic.

"Maybe I showed you the wrong way to love?" I almost jump in shock when someone spoke behind me. I glared at Levi when I saw him walking towards me by the path I used. He smiled but I saw sorrow in his eyes.

Wow, I am actually reading his crimson eyes now.

"What are you doing here?" I asked when he stop infront of me. But instead of answering me he sighed heavily.

He smiled me.

"Mali ang pagmamahal na pinakita ko sa iyo, I'm sorry."

Something touch my heart, I ran out of breath so I look away.

What does he mean?

"Let's grow together Tia, just like this tall sunflowers."

♡
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