Psychology

Millions

I miss her but she can never know that.
I miss him but I can't go back.
Millions of memories replay in my mind;
As my heart flutters, remembering the better times.

Turn breaking into broken,
Forget the slurs that I have spoken.
I hate all of the "I hate you's" I hurled towards you;
Like a kid learning to throw a baseball with his dad.
This heartache let's me know that the love we shared was true;
It was the purest thing I have ever had.
Isn't it funny how the loss of a life;
Can create such a sadistic strain on a relationship with who I thought would be my wife.
I guess the universe is laughing at me now;
Jack's finally the butt of the joke, wow.

Tossing and turning in a glass half empty.
I lost the one thing in my life that made me worthy;
Worthy of a smile painted across my face;
Worthy of having a gleam in my eyes, made of her grace.
I just know my mother is delirious with glee;
I failed, that's her victory.
My heart is shattered and there's glass everywhere, who knows how long I'll be picking up the pieces;
From the looks of it; it's shattered into millions.

I'm still shaking from that night;
Mother Nature mustn't like me.
I don't remember much from that night.
Like a crime scene, I do recall a picture so bloody.
As a woman I feel like I have failed and that breaks me inside;
A promising future has been replaced with an emptiness I can't hide.
I lost my voice in losing them both;
Since that night, I have not spoke.
I wish I could call him but I know he sees me and manifests sorrow;
One good reason why he isn't in my tomorrow.

Tossing and turning in a bed half empty;
I lost the one thing in my life that made me worthy;
Worthy of a smile painted across my face;
Worthy of having a niche home, made of his taste.
I just know my mother is disappointed in me;
I failed, that's her victory.
My heart is shattered and there's glass everywhere, who knows how long I'll be picking up the pieces;
From the looks of it; it's shattered into millions.

Who will go to Jen's baby shower next week?
I just can't see his face, no matter how much he means to me.
Who will go to Thomas' soccer final this weekend?
I hate that we have to divide our friends;
Like a goddamn equation in math class.
Built to love but not to last.
I fear it may take us both a lifetime to repair the damage done;
Unholy bullets shot from a gun.
A million shards of glass glittering on our apartment floors, east to west of this great city;
Peace decays into pity.

I miss her but she can never know that.
I miss him but I can't go back.
Millions of memories replay in my mind;
As my heart flutters, remembering the better times.