One-shot Compilations

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"J-Jack, alam ko na kung paano mawawala ang nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya," lasing na sabi ko kay Jack, isa sa mga matalik kong kaibigan. He is one of those people I treasure the most. Kung may lalaki man akong pinagkakatiwalaan, siya na 'yon. He is that friend who never saw me anything more than that. I'm thankful for this genuine friendship we have. He never even once took advantage of me. He is that one friend who did not joke anything sexual to me and that's what I like about him. 

I have been friends with assholes. Akala ko pagkakaibigan lang ang habol nila but it's not. They use me as someone bloating there egos kasi nga--aherm--hindi naman ako kapangitan. They always assume that I like them just because I am friendly with them. The nerve! Na sweet at clingy ako sa kanila because I have something for them but I am just like this kasi nga at ease ako sa kanila. They always boast it with their other guy friends.

If you know me enough, malalaman mo na sweet talaga ako sa mga close friends ko. Well,  I know I tend to come off as flirty with the words that I say but that's just me joking but I learned my lesson recently the hard way, I'll just be careful with what I say the next time para walang mag assume.

The funny thing is that I could say that cringe-y pick-up lines sa ibang tao, pero hindi ko naman masabi-sabi sa taong gusto ko, is something that I fucked up the most. Yes, I could flirt for fun with other guys, just to make a joke pero hindi ko kayang mag pick-up line sa taong totoong gusto ko.

I stared at Jack habang umiinom ito ng beer. Jack feels like home to me. He calms me. He's patient with me and I can tell him almost everything. He could sit three hours in a coffee shop just to let me ramble and rant about my life and I won't hear any complain at all.

Isa pa, Jack already has a family, but he's a wild one though. He's so extroverted that he can't be tame. Yes, he could stay at his home, but he would always crave his freedom to do what he wants to do. He says he is a different person from his home than outside. I can't imagine Jack being so serious. He's always bubbly, kind and open. The fact that he is including me with his gimik is such a wonderful feeling. Sabi ko nga sa sarili ko, kapag may kailangan si Jack sa akin kahit na ano, I am willing to help him, kahit kidney ko pa. He's so kind towards me and he makes me feel like I have a brother figure. He's been keeping me sane these past few months. He knows all my troubles and struggles. He is my confidante and my advisor, kahit na most of the time, hindi ko naman sinusunod ang mga advise niya. 

"Paano?" he said without looking at me. He is typing something on his phone. I danced a little to the beat of the music. Nandito kami ngayon nag-iinuman dalawa sa isang bar. He is also moving his body with the beat. 

"I'll just have sex with him!" I said with too much conviction in my voice. Agad na napalingon si Jack sa akin. Nakakunot ang noo nito.

"Ano?" he said na para bang hindi nito narinig ang sinabi ko, kahit obvious naman na narinig niya. I smiled at him. 

"I'll just sex with him!" sabi ko sabay tungga sa bote ng beer. He raised an eyebrow at tiningnan ako na para bang nababaliw na ako. 

"Are you serious right now, Ella Marie?" he asked, halos mapang-abot na ang dalawang kilay nito. 

"Oo naman," I said. "What if lust lang naman pala 'to, Jack? I am not in love with him pero hindi ko maexplain why he matters you know? Why I can't get him off my mind? Why am I drinking here with you because of him? Why am I hurting because of him?"

"You are in love then," he said. He was frowning at me. Bakit ganyan na naman ang ekspresyon niya?  Para bang napipilitan lang siyang sabihin 'yon.

"Hindi. Impossible," sabi ko and I started to laugh. I find it funny for some reason. We all have standards when it comes to love and you can call me a hopeless romantic, but my standards for me to call it love is freaking high.