you're staring. - tommyinnit

𝗶 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲.

tw: cassidy depression arc 😏 plus stimming, crying, getting sick. lol.
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we'd spent the past few nights at wilburs. i had been getting worse and worse.

i would barely leave the bedroom. wilbur had to go and buy special curtains just so i wouldn't shake every minute i was awake.

the texts had gotten worse, before they were just empty threats. they'd gone to vicious body shaming, and sending myself pictures of my own face. i didn't know where this person had gotten them, and i didn't care. but when things like the personal information and addresses of my friends came forward, i couldn't even bring myself to wake up in the morning and eat.

the bags under my eyes had grown darker, and my twitter and instagram quiet. i had become basically inconsolable. only wilbur was the one who  could get at least a conversation going with me. tommy did all he could, he provided me cuddles and kisses, but it was just a distraction from the problem at hand.

when i woke up this morning the last thing i expected was the note on my bedside table. the other thing i didn't expect was the empty bed.

i turned over, groaning. i wasn't tired anymore when i read the note. the ink was fresh, when i touched it, it smeared on the paper.

i know where you are.

it read, in a handwriting i couldn't recognize. i immediately stand, crumbling the note and throwing it as hard as i could. i didn't know what time it was, and i didn't care. my sobs echoed down the hall as i fast walked to the bathroom.

i walk in, sitting down by the toilet. i could feel the panic attack coming on. so i sat, my wrists slamming together with unnecessary force.

the bruises on my wrists had just faded from purple, so i knew that i'd regret it in the next few hours, but i didn't care.

my breathing became irregular as wilbur entered the bathroom, his tall frame immediately dropping down to his knees when he saw me on the floor.

with no questions asked he immediately pulled me into his arms, holding me as my entire body shook with fear.

i feel myself begin to gag and i lean over the bowl, he quickly gathers my unkempt hair into his hands gently.

i wretch, throwing up what very little i had eaten. i struggle to breathe as i lean over the bowl, my throat trying to push up something that wasn't there.

when i was finished i begin sobbing once more. wilbur pulls me back against his chest, wiping my mouth with a towel he'd gotten from above us.

he holds me, despite my appearance. despite my uncontrollable shaking and stimming. despite my obnoxious sobbing.

"i'm not safe" i mumble, the tears continuing to flow.

wilbur says nothing, just squeezes me tighter, rocking back and forth slightly.

we were in the bathroom for ten more minutes before toby and niki emerged from the stairs, coming into the bathroom to help comfort me as well.

i felt terrible as they watched me cry, so i begin to calm down, touching each of my fingers to my thumb to ground myself.

after awhile my breath began to regulate itself again, and the tears became less and less. wilbur lets me looser than before when my stimming had stopped.

tubbo flinches when i slam my hands against my head once more, in a final burst of anxious stimming, and reaches for some medical bandaging in the cabinet.

niki says comforting things, and wilbur continues to hold me, as toby wraps the bandages around my wrist. it wasn't much, but it would make it a bit easier to look at, and would protect my already fragile wrists.

after hes done, he grabs my hand, rubbing the back of it with his thumb gently.

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we sit on the floor of the bathroom for maybe two hours. nobody had the heart to get up. i'd apologized so many times in the past two hours, for them having to watch over me, to make sure i didn't throw up or hurt myself again.

they always silently nodded, offering smiles and an "it's okay."

we made small talk, anything other than what was going on was okay. wilbur knew about the note. and it hit me suddenly, while niki was going on about some way of making candles she'd always wanted to try.

"tommy..?" i ask, my stomach drops.
"where's tommy been all morning..?" i ask turning to wilbur, who just falls silent. looking at the linoleum. niki does the same.

tubbo is the only one who has the heart to look me in the eyes and tell me.

"he's been out with a streamer friend of his. her name is jessie."

i gag again, leaning over the bowl to get sick once more.

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a/n: AYYES 😏😏 it's getting interesting EYYY anyways plz lmk how ur liking this so far ah ha ha 😌