𝔽𝕀𝕃𝕆𝔽𝕆𝔹𝕀𝕊𝕂

ℍ𝕖𝕣 𝕊𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪

Is it ok to tell him? 
Can I trust him? 
Will he leave when he hears my past? 
Can I trust him? 

These thoughts were running in my mind as I closed my eyes and was priming myself to tell why I had been distant from him all these days. Danish was waiting keenly for me to say something. I opened my eyes and turned my head to see the face that made me realize that I should come out of my shell of phobia, if I wanted to be happy for the rest of my life.

"What is it, Elka?" he asked me. 

"Dan, I'm philophobic."

As expected, his brows met together as a wave of befuddlement washed over him. 

"Wh-"

"It's a phobia. Fear of falling in love," I cut him off before he could pester me with any further questions. 

Danish was looking at me as if I just told him a game plan of sabotaging the next flight our President would be taking. Stunned, puzzled, dismayed. It took him a few seconds to break the daze hearing my voice. 

"Dan, Dan..."

"Huh? What?" he asked me.

"You alright?"

"Ye- yeah. I am," he said, shifting his gaze from me to the tall Gulmohar tree in front of us.

His actions made me think I did something wrong which made me stay quiet until Danish opened his mouth. 

"Why didn't you say this to me earlier?" he asked after a few minutes. 

"I didn't say this to anyone. Even Lily and Zinnia came to know about this only a month before. Hell, I found out that I'm philophobic only a few months ago!"

Danish looked at me to which I nodded my head.

"I was ascertained about this on the day I met you, Dan. I still remember like it was yesterday."

"Oh, ok," he said. "How did you find out that you are scared to fall in love?"

"I was talking to Zinnia about my single life that day and when I said I'm actually scared to be in a relationship, Zinnia asked me whether I'm philophobic. And then she stated many things of how one becomes a phobic and I realized that I am one."

"What is your story, Elka?" he asked, his voice as soft as velvet.

I looked at him and bit my bottom lip, asking myself to tell him or not. Danish brought his hands and tugged at my inferior lip, making it free from being squashed between my teeth. 

"It's fine. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I don't want you to be nervous."

My habit of biting my lip when I was nervous was known only to a few people. And it was evident that Danish noticed my little actions all these days. He was trying to make me comfortable which made my heart melt, again. It was rarest of rare to find people who notice and remember the little things in you and I was lucky to find one.

How can I let this guy go? 

"I'm fine. I want you to know. After all, we are dating now," I said. 

"Yeah, we are. Gosh! I almost forgot that," he said which made me let out a chuckle. "So?" he asked and looked at me, his dark brown eyes waiting for me to reveal myself. 

I took a deep breath. 

"I was an introvert and a shy girl who spent my time alone and was socially awkward. I didn't have any friends and I really didn't care about that. This was until 6th. And after that, I changed a lot. I wasn't shy anymore. I became a bit tomboyish who was in lead of everything, let it be sports or studies. Still, I didn't have any girl friends because girls in my class hated me for some reason. Only boys talked to me and invited me to play with them as we shared the same vibe and girls in my class hated this. I never wanted to be a part of their girlish talks and tea parties. I even dressed crookedly as I didn't give a damn about how I looked and all. In a nutshell, they envied me as I was different and also boys' favorite."