LOSS

CHAPTER 38

A year passed and I waited for Barry to at least seek out his son. He did not.
He was released, but was still under obligation to pay restitution to the company for what he did.

What he did instead was to contact me, begging me to pay what he owed, that he would repay me when he gets back on his feet. So if I believe him and actually foolishly help him, I'm likely to be repaid when pigs begin to fly.

He even went as far as trying to use his son as collateral. Talking about "if I don't pay up, you can have my son". Is this man even human? I reported him to CPS for that atrocity he spouted. I'm hoping I can work hard towards building a case and officially adopt Jamie. He deserves so much better.

I did not help Barry, and I also got a restraining order against him. I don't need someone like that having unrestricted access to me.

Sometimes I just sit and laugh at how I allowed myself to think losing Barry would be the worst thing that can happen to me. How I allowed myself to believe I needed a man to be happy and I was so scared of being on my own. Now it has been proven beyond reasonable doubt that I was the pillar he was leaning on however he didn't realise it. Well that's his loss.

"I have never seen you this happy in years" my mother told me with a big smile as we stood looking at the kids play around.

"Really?" I asked unable to hold in my smile. Even I could see my skin glowing from happiness.

"Tell me, what happened? Are you seeing someone?" My mom asked raising her eyebrows.

Well that's the thing. I'm not seeing anyone. I'm just so happy. I am alive, I love myself, I don't feel like a failure, my children are happy and lack nothing, I'm helping hundreds of people find happiness, I have God on my side, I don't lack anything. I've been counting my blessings and I have been unable to be unhappy.

"My happiness doesn't have to be because of someone else mom. God is good and I am happy" I responded to her question.

She did not seem to believe but she did not argue with me. My children ran to towards me to show the stuffed toys they got from their Aunties aka Sophie and Annabelle mom's.

We were having a little house warming party for my new house. I wanted to move closer to my mom so that's what I did. I don't have a special reason for doing so except I'm just a mama's girl.

After the party, I got word from the company that Barry is back in prison and will be locked up for a two years for failing to pay restitution to the company. For me that means, I'll have my boy till he's six. My heart literally broke at that thought.

Three years passed and no one came for Jamie. I adopted him officially and man was he excited. He brought me so much happiness and joy. He even brought me goodluck because I met my husband through him.

Yes I got married again. I married Jamie's teacher. Well former teacher, Mr. Devon. I did not know it was possible to find love again. That chapter was closed for me. I had decided I would adopt more children later on and call it a life.

Then I met Devon. One thing I learnt from my previous marriage was that what I understood as love was nothing close to what love truly is. Having deep feelings towards someone isn't love, it's more than that. It's so much more.

Devon was my dream. A man who would pray over me every night as I slept, a man who treats me as a partner, a purpose patner. A man who appreciates me, loves my children, who supports me, communicates with me. A man who fears God. A man with empathy. Simply put a man compatible with me on every front, physically, mentally, spiritually, financially and otherwise.

I finally got to understand that my joy does not depend on a man, that I am enough. Just trust in God and watch Him do wonders.

I had this epiphany at 35 and I couldn't be more proud of myself. Better late than never.