Unexpected Liberties

Chapter Twenty Two- I'm Low on Willpower and You Need Me Right Now

Okay, you guys might hate me multiple times in the chapter but this might be one of my favorites so far. Theres probably a decent number of typos because I was trying to write faster than my fingers can type. I hope you enjoy!

                                                            Harrison’s POV

            Vanilla Apricot Tazo tea, Reese’s Cups, Utz salt and pepper chips.” I circled Utz a billion times, and finished writing my list. “Stevia, chocolate milk, paper, ‘soft’ pencils.” Dotting the I in ‘pencils,’ I sighed as Alex Gaskarth sang about my hometown. Mike walked in without asking and I groaned, dreading this conversation.

            “What. The hell. Is. Going. On?” He asked through gritted teeth. I guess after your band mate’s girlfriend has a panic attack after running into the woods, along with a slew of other weird occurrences, you’d get fed up with hearing the shit excuse of “I’m fine.” I would too.

            I sighed, but knew I’d have to answer, “I don’t know… I wasn’t taking the right medication. I ran into the woods to scare Tony but then I freaked myself out… and yeah. I just… I dunno. I’ll be fine.”

            “Okay, well explain why you’re constantly cringing when you laugh, I hardly ever see you eat, you’re fucking around at places that are not the grocery store and you’re not fucking answering our questions. I know about the whole fucking patient confidentiality but that was fucking ridiculous last night! You wouldn’t let them tell us what the fucking fuck was wrong with you?!” Mike screamed at me. I guess I was wearing them down.

            “I can’t.” I said briefly. “And actually, I think I’m going to take a break from you guys. I can’t take this right now, you’re stressing me out.” That was kind of bullshit, I was annoying them, I was a bother. That’s why I’d have to take a break. They needed a break.

            I began putting things in a duffle bag as Mike continued screaming. “WE ARE STRESSING YOU OUT? DO YOU KNOW WHAT FUCKING TONY DOES WITH ALL THIS HOSPITAL TIME ON HIS HANDS? ALL THIS FOOD WE HAVE FOR YOU THAT YOU DON’T FUCKING EAT? YOURE FUCKING ANOREXIC, SOMETHING HURTS YOU WHEN YOU LAUGH AND YOURE FUCKING GOING FUCKING GOD KNOWS WHERE AND LYING ABOUT IT. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL?” He was yelling so loud, and it reminded me of the times my dad was screaming at me when I was younger. I was crying now, almost done packing. I zipped the bag and grabbed my purse, dashing through the front door and into my car. I drove for god know how long, my cell phone blowing up with each of the guys’ personalized ringtones. I sighed, pulling over but leaving the heat on in the car.

            I lay my head down on the wheel and let the tears fall freely. I couldn’t take this shit anymore. I couldn’t take this constant off and on with different medications, dealing with the guys constantly worrying about me, I just couldn’t. I drove on; I knew where I was driving. I drove right to the park, near my old house, where my parents sat content in front of the TV. I wrote a quick note, telling the guys and my family the normal cliché things you put on a suicide note.

            I took off my jacket, jeans and tank top. The water was icy, and the colder I got the faster I’d go. I took a deep breath as I disrobed down to my bra and underwear. The breeze hit me and I shivered.

            Butterflies, the bad kind, raged in my stomach as I stood on the rocks. I thought about the headline of this small town, ‘local girls jumps into the cold, December waters at Rock State Park.’ I took a deep breath and sat down on a flat rock, looking down at the freezing water beneath me. This was followed by more deep breaths, until I pushed off the rock and felt the water close in around me. Water was everywhere, filling my lungs, burning my skin. I tried to hold my place, knowing if I got knocked around it’d be way more painful than intended, way more bloody. I let out my last breath, watching the bubbles float to the surface.