Love Like You

I Could Even

A/N: okay, babies. this one's gonna be a sad one. MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING for mentions of self-harm, attempted suicide, and depression. please read with caution and be safe. If at any time you feel you need help please stop reading and seek out someone that you trust. love you all. ❤️

Roses.

Katsuki often likes to pretend that he doesn't care much for them but he's always so easy for Shouto to read---eyes glittering and cheeks rosy at the very thought of a gesture as small as Shouto buying a couple dozen of them on his way home from work on a random Tuesday just because. He'd complain about them and fuss at Shouto for wasting his money on something so stupid but even still, he keeps them proudly displayed on on kitchen table until they wither and die away, reluctant to toss them into the trash. Still, Shouto loves to buy them for him. The look on Katsuki's face is always priceless.

He'd do anything to see him smile.

"I bought roses today." He says absently, the flowers bundled across his lap at the kitchen table. His gaze is far and unfocused, wandering about outside of the nearby roses. "They remind me of his eyes; how beautiful they are. Do you think...that he'll like them?"

He'd bought three dozen of them this time---it's Katsuki's birthday after all. Even though he doesn't like to make such a big deal out of his birthday he'd surely enjoy a gesture as small as this one, right? Shouto wonders if he anticipates them. If he would smile when he sees them.

"I'm sure that he would, Sho." Izuku assures him from where he's washing dishes. They're waiting for Eijirou so that they could all pay Katsuki a visit together. It wouldn't be right to go without him.

"Mm."

"...how are you feeling, Shouto?"

A shrug.

"I dunno." He admits, "I guess the best way to describe it...is that I feel really numb."

Izuku nods in understanding. He tries to choose his words carefully; he wants to avoid triggering Shouto as much as possible as this is quite a sensitive subject for him. It's always more difficult around the holidays, Katsuki's birthday included.

"I see. But you don't want to hurt yourself, right? You can tell me if you do; it's okay." The freckled teen keeps a gentle tone with him, soft-spoken and encouraging in case Shouto is having some violent thoughts that need to be addressed. They've made progress within the last year or so, finally unable to leave Shouto unsupervised with sharp objects in the house but Izuku doesn't want to chance a relapse.

"I...don't think so." Shouto replies after a long, drawn and heavy pause. "I'm...sad. I'm always sad. But I know that Katsuki would be disappointed in me if he knew I did something so horrible to myself. So I'm coping. I'm not okay. But I'm gonna make it."

It's not ideal, but it's an improvement. Izuku can take what he can get at this point.

"Thank you for being honest. If you start to feel volatile or violent...I need you to tell me or Ei as soon as you can. Can you do that for me?"

"I...think so, yeah."

"Good, good."

Izuku takes the dry cloth he'd used to wipe the counters with and tosses it aside to adjust his wedding ring, eyes flitting over to the spot where Shouto seems to be caught in his musing.  The dark circles underneath his eyes are an obvious tell that he hasn't been sleeping which means that he probably hasn't been taking his meds. It's concerning, but asking him about it at this very second would probably do more harm than good. He'll just have to make sure he takes them tonight and personally hand him the correct dosage.