RED [BXB]

FOURTEEN

little treat, because i've been gone so long ;)

Warning: Sexual Content

As they lay in bed afterwards, Zoya traced patterns across Luke's skin, who basked in the tranquility and serenity of it all. She, however, couldn't find it in herself to be calm. There was a concern deeply wedged between the crevices of her brain; it'd been keeping her up all night and distressing her pretty face with worry lines.

It was all her fault. That, she would admit. She was the one who'd allowed her boyfriend's affair to carry on with her consent. But how else could she have made sure that he wouldn't go behind her back and cheat on her?

Luke's desire for adrenaline and passion was unquenchable. She couldn't hope to contain his lustful soul. Monogamy was something that wold never work for him, and that was something she'd come to understand—and eventually, accept.

It wasn't ideal for Zoya. She was a beautiful, intelligent girl who could've had any guy she wanted with the blink of an eye. The thought had crossed her mind sometimes, too. More often than not, Luke was a source of discomfort and heartache for Zoya. Had she wanted to, she could've easily broke it off with him.

But she never did. Because she loved him.

God, she loved him. She loved him in a way she didn't know was possible. As hot-headed and self-assured as she was, Zoya turned into an uncertain, hesitant child when it came to her boyfriend. She was willing to give up everything for him: her family, her friends, her money, her life. It was enough that she'd rejected an offer to study in a prestigious Ivy League school just so she could be near him.

And, so, when he came to her: all puppy-eyed, pouty-lipped, talking about some guy he couldn't stop thinking about, she panicked. She thought it was over, that, after everything, he was ending it with her. It was devastating; the absolute worst, most horrifying conversation of her life.

He caught her off guard, however, when he revealed he was asking for her blessing to begin sleeping with him. Of course, she'd agreed—practically no hesitation about it. She would do anything for him. And, if the alternative was them breaking up, she would've rather gauged her eyes out with a steak knife.

At least, this way, she could still be with him. She could have him close, keep an eye on him. She would make sure that he was always satisfied, that he had everything he needed. With everybody else, it was fake. Only with her was it real. Only with her was it love.

It would make him appreciate her, she'd reasoned. What other girl would allow her boyfriend to get tangled between other people's sheets?

It would make their relationship stronger, she'd repeated. He would come to realize how much better it was with her, how much more intimate.

It would make him love her, she'd convinced herself, because she gave him everything he wanted and more. She was perfect for him.

Quickly, though, Zoya's insecurity caught up with her. Suddenly, she couldn't help but wonder how he looked on top of—or under—other people. Suddenly, her body itched with that familiar ache, that awful sensation that everything was going to come crashing down. What if she wasn't good enough for him anymore? What if other people touched him, moved him, in ways that she could never have even dreamed of? What if he became hooked on foreign pleasure? What if he began to crave them more than he did her? What if he no longer desired her at all?

She was willing to keep her mouth shut, to hope for the best and not utter a word that could've upset him. But she couldn't help it, she had to know.

"Is it better with him?" Her voice was merely a quiet whisper that broke the prolonged silence, pulling Luke out of his disarrayed thoughts and urging him to look down on her.